My First Gray Hair

"The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care."

2010-09-22T10:46:00.000-04:00

I have a nasty case of work depression. Outside of work, I'm perfectly happy. For the most part. On the weekends I'm freaking manic. I love everything about my weekends (except going to the grocery store). But during the week, I am crabby and morose and unmotivated. I have plenty to do but am not challenged. So I have these fantasies about going back to school, which I know is total craziness, as I cannot even manage to keep groceries in the house (see above) or keep the laundry clean; how do I think I'm going to have time to take classes, write papers and -- eek! -- possibly even a dissertation? But my brain is craving some kind of intellectual stimulation, 'cause I ain't gettin' it at work.

Basically, I am here for the paycheck and the time off. I get very little out of my actual work. I suppose that's how it is for most people, but I really wanted to be someone who loved her work, who was excited by it, who did something with her talents and interests. Yes, I get to write, and that's good. But it's not about anything I'm interested in. And then there's the added "bonus" of secretarial work, which I'm sure I've bitched about in this space before.

It feels a little late to make a career change, with or without going back to school. Plus, I'm not even positive about what I'd change to. I have thought that maybe I need a life coach. But I don't think one would be able to tell me anything I don't already know (set goals! make time lines!). Or maybe I need to get serious about yoga again. To have something to look forward to, to ease my agitation, to become better at being in the moment. I have tried, really I have, but have only been able to make it to one class and that was a month ago. There always seems to be something else going on in the evenings (no, not just TV) that prevents me from getting to class. And yoga alone in your bedroom is just not the same.

Anyway, I really, really wanted to pull a Peter Gibbons today ("I'm not gonna go."). But it's only Wednesday, and I would have to come in tomorrow because I'm training someone, and Friday nearly everyone will be out so it will be a good day to be here. So, I got up and got ready for work, put on some extra jewelry and my favorite shoes and perfume (hey, sometimes it helps), stopped at Starbucks and blasted Madonna and U2 in the car, all in an effort to motivate myself to be a good little worker today. I know I should be grateful to have a job; I know plenty of people who are still unemployed after two or three years. And I am grateful. I'm just bored.

2010-07-21T10:09:00.000-04:00

Now that my kitchen has been painted and I have a new roof, I need something else to get excited about. The return of Mad Men on Sunday will do nicely.

Summertime

2010-07-07T15:12:00.002-04:00

Remember when you were a kid and summer just dragged on forever? That's how it felt to me at the time (by the end of July I'd be so looking forward to school starting; I know -- big nerd). Now I look back and think how blissfully slow the time went and wishing that were still the case. Waking up in the morning with the windows open (we didn't have air conditioning), deciding what to do for the day while eating a bowl of cereal in front of the TV... I took tennis lessons and played softball and went to camp for two weeks, but the biggest chunk of my time in the summer was totally unscheduled -- and usually spent either on my bike or in my grandparents' pool. Mostly in the pool. I only had to be home for dinner at 5:00 and then could go back out again until the street lights came on.

Ah, small town life in the '70s.

Now, summer goes by faster than any other time of the year. During July and part of August we are either out of town or have guests nearly every weekend. I am off work next week to work on some home improvement projects and that will likely not be enough time to get everything finished that I want to. Before I know it, it'll be football season.

I am doing a better job of enjoying the summer as an adult, now that we have a bigger garden to tend to, and a pool membership, and a three-year-old who loves to be outside. But it still goes by way too fast.

What Fresh Hell Is This?

2010-06-04T13:25:00.003-04:00

Blogging two days in a row, wow, look at me! Anywhoo, I stumbled across yet another quote that I can totally relate with:

"I hate writing; I love having written." -- Dorothy Parker

Ah, yes, Dot, I agree completely. And speaking of Ms. Parker, I was remembering that I read all of her short stories a few years back. Could not get enough of her writing. While she is best known for her witty quotes, her stories are more bittersweet than witty, as one writer smarter than I put it. So true. I am really not a fan of short stories in general, but enjoyed hers quite a bit.

Although Dorothy suffered from what, by now, are your typical writerly afflictions (miserable childhood, multiple marriages, alcoholism, suicide attempts), I still admire her and her work. I do love her quotes. Here are a few of my favorites:

I like to have a martini,
two at the very most;
three, I'm under the table,
four I'm under my host.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to.

You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.

That would be a good thing for them to cut on my tombstone: Wherever she went, including here, it was against her better judgment.

This wasn't just plain terrible, this was fancy terrible. This was terrible with raisins in it.

If you have any young friends who aspire to become writers, the second greatest favor you can do them is to present them with copies of The Elements of Style. The first greatest, of course, is to shoot them now, while they’re happy.

Normal Day

2010-06-03T17:00:00.000-04:00

From the blog of Tara Whitney, genius photographer and the kind of mom/artist/person I'd love to be, is this quote:

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return." -- Mary Jean Iron

It's good for me to remember that one day, disaster will strike. Not to dwell on it or even try to prepare for it, but because I should treasure the "normal day" -- the endless days which I generally slog through with a bad attitude, hatred for my commute and certain aspects of my job, too much sugar and caffeine, and not enough items crossed off my to-do list.

It's hard for me to always feel good about these normal days and all they entail. But I will try.

No, I said "TIPS!"

2010-05-21T10:52:00.000-04:00

After a long hiatus, I'm back to share this nugget of wisdom: do not schedule your mammogram during PMS week. You're welcome.

I Type, Therefore I Am...A Secretary

2010-04-22T09:34:00.001-04:00

My boss bought me chocolates for Administrative Professionals Day (because clearly, writer = secretary). Who knew that being undervalued could be so yummy?

Menopause at 41?

2010-04-19T14:16:00.000-04:00

Gray hair, schmay hair -- I think I just had a hot flash at lunch. Oy.

Keepin' It Real

2010-03-25T10:42:00.000-04:00

The scene: my bedroom, 8:30 pm, with Lauren. I am getting ready to remove my shirt and put on my pajamas.

L: Mommy, I want to see your big things.
Me: [in a matter of fact tone, in an effort to promote a positive body image] Do you remember what they’re called?
L: No.
Me: Breasts.
L: Oh. [pause] When I grow up, I’m going to have some of those instead of [gestures to her own chest] these little things.

Interview with Luna

2010-03-22T09:31:00.001-04:00

I am participating in the Open Adoption Bloggers Interveiw Project, and had the pleasure of interviewing Luna of Life From Here: Musings from the Edge. She also interviewed me, and you can find that here.

So, here are luna's very thoughtful answers to my questions. Enjoy!

1. What’s been the best (or most surprising/delightful/inspiring) part about blogging about your journey to parenthood?

When I started blogging, I was in the midst of treatment for infertility and adoption was not really an option. Treatment was a dead end, and I had lost all hope of becoming a mama. I was grieving. Soon it became clear that adoption was our best potential path to parenthood. A new door opened, and we took our first steps on this new path of our journey.

Throughout the transition from hopeless to hopeful, I was so moved by the support I found in the blogosphere. This space gave me solace. It was catharsis. It was affirmation and therapy. I had no idea it would become my lifeline to others who understood, who offered compassion and not pity. Some had been there, some were right there with me. At a time when I felt so isolated and alone, blogging provided a critical outlet and connection. It helped open my eyes to other possibilities. I was inspired by those who had walked before me, and I felt supported even by those just passing through.

I've also been delighted to hear about the impact my story has had on others. Several readers have said that mine was one of few stories that had evolved right before their eyes. Truly the story unfolding in "real life" was reflected in my writing. I hadn't really thought that my path could help light another's some day. But maybe it will.

Looking back, I can trace the evolution of my journey to parenthood through my blog. I love that at least part of my story has been captured here in these pages. From devastation to joy, it's all there.

2. How did you view open adoption when you first began considering adoption as a way to build your family? (Did you know much about it, did the thought of an open adoption scare you or were you always positive about open adoption?)

Too often I think prospective adoptive parents enter into open adoption from a place of fear rather than love.

I did a lot of self educating about open adoption before I had the opportunity to live it. I read books, articles and blogs from all perspectives in the triad. I spoke with birth parents and adoptive families. I listened to the stories of adoptees. I sought out professionals specializing in open adoption to learn more.

Early on, I thought open adoption simply meant the expectant parents chose the family and maintained minimal contact after placement. I thought it was more for birth parents than the adoptee. When we first considered adoption to build our family -- before exploring treatment as an option -- I was concerned about (what I perceived as) "competition" with other waiting families who had so much to offer. We didn't have a huge home or fancy cars. I was afraid we'd be "waiting" for years. Later I realized it wasn't a competition at all, since different things will appeal to different people and each "match" is so unique.

When we began learning more, it became clear why we would want an open adoption for our child. Eventually I overcame the common fear that I wouldn't feel like the baby's "mother," because while I would not give birth, I would be parenting this child. While our baby would have two mothers to love him/her, openness did not mean "co-parenting." I realized that both the birth mother and I would have critical and distinct roles in our child's life. Then the concept of openness made perfect sense. It also eliminated any need to feel "threatened" by my child's relationship with his/her birth mother. I would be able to offer our child so much, but I could not provide that connection to her heritage. I would welcome the person into our family who could provide that for our child.

I wanted information about our child's family of origin to be accessible I didn't want to have to say "I don't know." I didn't want secrets or shame. My hope was to provide access when questions arose. I wanted to help our child integrate his/her stories to feel whole, to feel loved. I felt my job was to ensure every possibility for a relationship, or at the very least a connection. At best, we would broaden the circle of people to love this child. Soon I realized that I feared a closed adoption far more than I ever feared openness.

I had one outstanding fear before we met K, Baby J's birth mom. I knew that opening my heart and our home would require connection and trust. I was afraid we wouldn't be able to connect or build that trust, that we would not find the "right match." I feared the scrutiny, on both sides. I feared wanting a baby so much that I might overlook something. I feared discomfort, awkwardness. Of course when we met and instantly connected with K, those fears dissipated. All of a sudden, I saw how it could work. I saw how easy it would be to open our hearts to this young woman, not because we wanted to parent her child, but because she was an incredibly kind and thoughtful person and we cared about her well being. We wanted her to make the best decision for herself, whatever it was. When K asked us to parent her baby, it was clear that our family would grow by more than just one.

3. What do you think are the main advantages to open adoption versus closed adoption?

I truly believe that open adoption benefits everyone in the triad.

I used to think that openness was primarily for the expectant parents.* They could they be empowered to choose the adoptive family with a chance to witness the child's development and opportunities to share their love and celebrate the child's life. I thought that early and ongoing contact would be important for healing -- i.e., that to see and know the child might help diminish a very real loss. Openness helped us establish a wonderful relationship and trust early on. K knows we consider her family and she is always welcome in our home. That offers her some peace.

I believe the benefits of openness to the child are paramount. When possible, I think early contact is important so the baby is not immediately and permanently separated from her mother at birth. Studies have shown a smooth transition can help infant development. K wanted us at the birth so we could begin to bond immediately with the baby. Then we spent a lot of time with K for the first two months of Baby J's life, which actually made others uncomfortable but seemed natural to us. It made my heart happy to see K holding Baby J. While it was K's heart I was concerned about (not mine), she said it was healing to be with us.

I think it's important to maintain contact because, as I said above, I think the child has a right to information and access to his/her family of origin. I feel a responsibility as an adoptive parent to preserve that connection until my daughter is old enough to act on it herself. When she has questions (about her adoption or ancestry) who better to answer them than her birth family? I also want her to know her birth siblings, should she have some one day. She would have none of that in a closed adoption. She might spend years and endless emotional energy wondering, searching, and fantasizing about her birth family. She has a right to know.

Most importantly, I think you can't deny the benefit of love the birth family has for the placed child. I think everyone has a right to express and receive that love. As an adoptive parent, I don't feel I should restrict that (except to the extent necessary to preserve the sanctity and safety of our family). The greatest benefit of all is that our daughter will feel love from her birth family, many of whom have become part of our extended family. If we can help our daughter process her story, maybe we can help her integrate the feelings of loss she may experience from not growing up in her family of origin. Maybe we can all help her to feel healthy and whole.

Finally, openness has had another unexpected benefit for me as an adoptive mother. Being chosen to be our daughter's parents has been quite empowering for me. Knowing that K is who made me a parent provided me with a healthy sense of entitlement to be this little girl's mama. Being treated as "mom" by K and her family has been so affirming. What a privilege.

(*Note: I realize that openness is often dangled in front of expectant mothers to entice them to place their babies. Unfortunately, openness can be held out as a promise that is not always kept.)

4. I’ve heard it said that adoption “cures” childlessness, but it doesn’t cure infertility – what are your thoughts about that? (What’s your “relationship” with your infertility like these days? Do you view infertility any differently now that you have a child?)

This is such a good question that I threw it right back at you. I think it's true that adoption "cures" childlessness but not infertility. Through adoption I became a mother, but I am still an infertile woman.

I had to "resolve" my infertility before I could even consider adoption, because I knew I had to heal myself before I could be anyone's mama. As I've said before, it is not the job of any child to "cure" or "heal" anyone; that is far too great a burden to unload on any child. I had to come to peace with my infertility and accept that my body would not produce and carry a child to term. I had to learn to love myself despite not being able to do what others have done so easily for eons. Infertility took so much from me, and I had to let it all go.

Infertility left me wounded. It ripped my heart open and left deep scars in its wake. I worked hard to heal my heart so I could share it with the child that would join our family through adoption. I am by all accounts a much happier person since becoming a mother. I am so fortunate that my life has taken such a beautiful turn, and I haven't looked back. Still, the scars are deep beneath the surface, and with certain triggers those wounds can feel unexpectedly raw again.

Some people say that infertility, like grief, is like an old friend (or adversary) you bump into now and again, or an old hat you can pull out of a box and try on every once in a while. By that I mean that once you get past the devastation and move on to a more fulfilling place (with or without a child), the persistent effects of infertility subside but don't simply disappear. They can resurface, sometimes when you least expect it.

But now I have experienced the joy that motherhood brings. Every day, I have the privilege of being mama to the most wonderful little girl. And I would not trade that for anything.

I suppose I now view infertility as something I survived, something that defeated but did not destroy me. I refuse to let infertility define me anymore. I am finally "mama."

5. While being a mom is, of course, great, is there anything you miss about your pre-baby life?

I've been asked this before and the real answer is no, I don't miss a thing. We had plenty of time to enjoy all the things that people do before they have children. Too much time, really.

Sometimes I do miss sleeping through the night, uninterrupted. But mostly I cherish those moments in the wee morning hours, rocking quietly with my sweet girl's little neck nestled into the crook of my arm, feeling her weight while she sips warm milk and falls back asleep.

Of course sometimes I think it would be cool to go to a movie or a concert again, and do some more traveling. But that day will come, eventually. By then I imagine I will long for those days when our little girl was just a tiny baby...

Day "Off"

2010-03-18T11:59:00.000-04:00

I had my first day off yesterday as part of my new schedule. I'm so glad I had time to do some things that otherwise would (maybe) get done on the weekends (during nap time), or after Lauren goes to bed, or on a vacation day.

I took Lauren to the dentist, then to school, then had lunch with a friend I hadn't seen in a long time (good food, great conversation, particularly about writing). I went to Whole Foods and stocked up on organic/free-range/hormone- and pesticide-free goodies. I vacuumed, Swiffered and mopped my kitchen floor. I scrubbed all my kitchen chairs and the table legs (ew). I did some laundry. I went to the UPS store, Target and Kohl's. I picked Lauren up, made dinner, hung out with her and put her to bed.

I am exhausted! Work is so much easier.

UPDATED-Words

2010-03-15T16:38:00.008-04:00

I just emailed another reporter and sent her an article about positive adoption language. She wrote an article about a pregnant girl "...who is deciding whether to keep her baby or put it up for adoption."

What is this, 1950? "put it up for adoption" -- like she's posting an ad or craigslist or something? (uh, if craigslist existed in 1950...you know what I'm trying to say)

I can assure you that pregnant girls/women who are considering adoption do not do so lightly. It's hurtful to both the birth mother and to adopted children to speak about the process as if one is throwing an object up on a shelf somewhere for someone else to pick up. The correct term is "make an adoption plan."

I have once before written a reporter about this (yes, politely), and he was very gracious in his response. I might come across here like I'm angry about it (because I kind of am; more so annoyed), but have written to reporters in the spirit of educating them, as I have been educated along the way.

Here's what I sent them, from Adoptive Families Magazine:

"The way we talk—and the words we choose—say a lot about what we think and value. When we use positive adoption language, we say that adoption is a way to build a family just as birth is. Both are important, but one is not more important than the other. Choose the following positive adoption language instead of the negative talk that helps perpetuate the myth that adoption is second best. By using positive adoption language, you’ll reflect the true nature of adoption, free of innuendo."

[then there's a list of positive and negative language that I can't seem to paste in here, but it includes things like using the term "birth parent" instead of "real parent"--if you're interested in the list, go here.

More from Adoptive Families magazine:

"Words not only convey facts, they also evoke feelings. When a TV movie talks about a "custody battle" between "real parents" and "other parents," society gets the wrong impression that only birthparents are real parents and that adoptive parents aren’t real parents. Members of society may also wrongly conclude that all adoptions are "battles." Positive adoption language can stop the spread of misconceptions such as these. By using positive adoption language, we educate others about adoption. We choose emotionally "correct" words over emotionally-laden words. We speak and write in positive adoption language with the hopes of impacting others so that this language will someday become the norm."

*Update* Just got this from the reporter:
"Thank you so much for the correction. I'll make sure to change it immediately. I really do appreciate it. Thanks and have a great day."

Nice.

Time

2010-02-17T15:15:00.011-05:00

Exactly one month from today I get my first day off as part of my reduced schedule. Next month I start working 36 hours per pay period, which means I get one day off every other week. It’s not a lot (ideally I’d like to work about 3 days a week, every week, but that ain’t gonna happen), but certainly better than nothing. I had been talking to my boss for a while about possibly working four 10-hour days, but decided against it because, with my commute, it would keep me away from home for way too many hours most days of the week. And I’d never have any interaction with Lauren’s school/teachers (wouldn’t be able to drop off or pick up). So my boss suggested this alternative. I will have to take a 10% pay cut, which didn’t sound too bad until I crunched the numbers. I will actually have to adhere to a budget for once in my life. That’s fine; it needed to be done anyway. And if I was just blowing that 10% on stuff I didn’t really need, all the better.

Anyway, the important thing is the time I will gain. Since Lauren was born, I feel like I’ve been drowning. There’s never enough time to get things done at home, so I am delighted that I’ll have a bit more time each month. Time to do things that now never get done (painting the inside of our front door that was installed 5 years ago), things that bug me (piles of clothes to go to Goodwill), things that only get done when absolutely necessary but should be getting done more often (mopping the kitchen floor), things I do on the weekend that I’d like to NOT do on the weekend (grocery shopping). I already have a list of chores, projects, etc. to work on, and I’m giddy at the prospect of crossing some of these things off my list.

My plan is to take Lauren to school in the morning, spend about 6 hours doing whatever needs done, and picking her up a couple of hours early so we can have a bit more time together. On days when it’s especially nice outside, I won’t take her to school at all, we’ll just go to the pool or play outside.

Can't wait.

Modern Family

2010-01-29T14:59:00.003-05:00

Hoo boy, do I have a story to share. First, Elise -- Lauren's birth mother -- visited us last night and left today for a warmer climate several states away. Her plan is to live with her sister, find a job, then get a place of her own and after she establishes residency, go to college there. I am happy for her; she seems very excited about making this change and, in her words, "getting my life together." I sure hope she comes back to town at least a couple of times a year so we can see her.

Spending time with her last night got me thinking about Lauren's birth father (let's call him Drew). This is a little more confusing. I know who he is, but am pretty sure he doesn't know who I am, nor that I know who he is (are you following this?). Elise told us his name when we first met her (they were no longer together when she was at the end of her pregnancy), but he's never wanted to meet us, or Lauren. From time to time I've Googled him, and searched for him on Facebook, but hadn't done that in several months, maybe longer. Today I looked him up and discovered that not only is he engaged, but HE HAS A BABY! A daughter, born this month. Which means Lauren has a half-sister. I always knew the day would come when Elise would get married and have children, and hoped that Lauren could know them, but I hadn't even considered Drew in this light.

So. Lots of stuff stirred up here. Part of me wants to contact him and say, "Hey, I adopted your first daughter and let's all be one, big, happy family and get these girls together." Part of me wants to smack him upside the head for choosing to ignore the fact that Lauren exists, while accepting the existence of -- and actively raising -- this new baby. And, as Bret pointed out, perhaps someone needs to share the merits of condoms with Drew, not that we're complaining, as the lack of one resulted in Lauren. Anyhoo...

There's really nothing I can do with this information right now. So I will hang on to it for when it's appropriate to share with Lauren, or to contact Drew, or whatever. There's no handbook for how to handle this type of family stuff. We just have to make sure Lauren knows how loved she is, and that's the easy part.

Dream Office

2010-01-28T10:50:00.005-05:00

Oh, my, gosh, how stinking cute is this office?

I would love to do this in our office (which right now has two mismatched, strange-looking desks, a futon, papers strewn everyhwere and stacks of cardboard boxes with who-knows-what in them).

Someday...

Rejected

2010-01-25T15:18:00.002-05:00

I sent a query letter to a literary agent for the first time last week. Her web site said she'd respond in 5-10 days. I got a form rejection email in 3 days. A very nice form rejection email, I might add.

I was not surprised (though I had conjured up fantasies of being able to say I landed the first agent I contacted) or devastated. I'm actually glad I took that step. And now I can send it to someone else. It only takes one "yes," right? Or a good self-publishing company and a few thousand dollars.

Anyway, at least I feel like I'm making some progress on a goal, which is not a bad way to start a week.

Shoes, Part III, etc.

2010-01-11T11:24:00.003-05:00

Updating you on the riveting running shoe post...they didn't fit. Too narrow (imagine my surprise). Guess it's back to buying men's shoes. Which my current sneaks are, and when a friend's daughter was in a restroom stall next to me (and didn't know it was me) said, "Mom! There's a boy over there!"

Nice birthday on Saturday. Took Lauren to swim lessons, got my hair cut and colored (not exactly the Debra Messing-like red I was hoping for but still nice to be at the SAL-on), and out for a fantastic dinner with Bret and Lauren.

Lauren picked out her card for me, the cake, the ice cream and the ribbon on my present. All day she'd look at me and grin and say, "Mommy, it's your birfday!" That made turning 41, which is quite possibly the most un-exciting age to turn, totally worth it.

Sneaks

2010-01-07T14:16:00.004-05:00

I just ordered a pair of semi-hideous running shoes (don't laugh; I read once that if you are, um, a bit bigger than average, you should wear running shoes for working out because they offer more support than cross trainers or walking shoes).

Anyway, my old ones were pretty broken down, but man, are athletic shoes expensive. Not like back in the day when you could go to Kmart for some $10 trax (were they even that much?).

Also, I have me some big old feet, so can't buy shoes just anywhere. I found a few pairs online and though I liked the way a couple of the others looked, I went with the least expensive pair. Only $48, but maybe a bit flashy.

So why did I buy 'em? Budget, baby. It's time to stop spending like it's 1999. Time to build up some savings, eat at home more often and, yes, buy shoes that might make me look like I'm wearing fat tropical fish on my feet. I'm actually okay with that. I feel good about this budget thing and am ready to make some changes in my life to have more money to spend on things I really want. Like this.

Burn Fat, Get Ripped and Improve Endurance

2010-01-05T16:13:00.003-05:00

I can think of no better New Year's resolution than this copy from a spam email I just received (subject line above):

Shred Excess Fat
Gain Insane Strength
Unleash Raging Energy
Maximize Your Libido
Enjoy Wicked Pumps

I'm not exactly sure what "wicked pumps" are (arms?) but I'm going with the literal translation. Ah, yes, M. Louboutin, now that's a resolution.

Nothing to See Here

2009-12-16T16:17:00.006-05:00

Okay, kids, I need to post something that's NOT about adoption, because I've just been reading all this stuff out there about the term "birth mother" vs. "first mother" and I feel a little...unsettled, and don't even want to get into that. (And I am beginning to doubt that I am cut out for writing about adoption at all, given all the controversy even within the "adoption community." Which is kind of a bummer because I've got a book outlined, and chunks of chapters written, and a really cool title.)

So, what shall we discuss?

Tiger Woods? No. Health care reform? Nope. George Snuffleupagus, uh, Stephanopoulos replacing Diane Sawyer on Good Morning America? (Seriously, he's bringing me down during my precious cereal-eating time. I miss the all-girl team of Robin and Diane.) Okay, I sort of did just talk about that. Glenn Beck (and my mother's apparent swallowing-of-the-FOXNews-Kool-Aid)? Good heavens, no.

Guess it's back to Facebook.

Adoption and the holidays

2009-12-11T14:23:00.006-05:00

I am finally going to participate in one of the Open Adoption Rountables -- the topic this time is to write about adoption and the holidays. So here we go.

Lauren's birthmother (I'll call her Elise) saw Lauren several times in her first year, a couple of times in her second year, and now I can't remember how long it's been since we've seen her. Maybe this time last year? She mentioned at the time that she was planning to move out of state.

Last month I sent an email to Elise's mom (who had asked me way back when if I wouldn't mind sending pictures of Lauren now and then and I certainly don't mind as she is an extremely nice lady) to say thanks for the card and gift card she'd sent to Lauren for her birthday, and also a link to the pictures we had taken of Lauren. I asked her to share them with Elise since I didn't have an email address for her. She said she would do that, since she would see Elise at Thanksgiving.

On Thanksgiving day, I got a text message from Elise saying how beautiful Lauren is and how she can't believe she's three. She said she'd call sometime and that she had a bad cold, and ended her message with "lol."

I don't have a texting plan (what? I'm not 12), so I didn't text her back that day. I figured I'd give her a call closer to Christmas and offer to get together. In the past, she's always called us to ask to see Lauren, but I feel like I need to keep letting her know that she's welcome in our lives and in our home. Anyway, today I checked my phone for her number, and discovered it was an out-of-state number -- from the state she said a year ago she was going to move to. So I sent her a text (I figured it was worth the 25 cents or whatever Verizon's going to charge me for it) saying I see you've moved, give us a call when you're in town, we'd love to see you, blah blah blah. She texted me back right away and said that she's still in town; her dad bought her a new phone for her birthday so the number is from where he lives (which is kind of strange, but I'm thinking that she must still have plans to move there at some point). She ended by writing "my phone is dying, lol, text you soon!"

Okay, so what's the point of all this? It's the holidays, I'm texting with my daughter's birthmother. And I get the sense that she's moved on, as our social worker told us over 3 years ago would probably happen. That as time went on, and she dealt with her own feelings about the adoption, Elise would want to see Lauren less and less. That she would move on with her life, pursue her goals, etc. This is, apparently, pretty normal stuff in this world of open adoption. Doesn't happen to everyone, but it's not uncommon.

There's a part of me that finds this easier. It means I don't have to deal with my own feelings as much. I don't have to feel a pang of guilt when Lauren calls me "mommy" in front of Elise, wondering if she's hurt by that. I don't have to feel guilty about "taking her baby." (Yes, I know she's the one who made the adoption plan, but I still feel somehow like I "did" something painful to her and I like her very much and want the best for her.)

But not having Elise visit with Lauren also makes me sad for Lauren. Not so much now, since she's only 3, and although we talk about adoption, she doesn't get the concept yet. But for later. When she wants to know her birthmother. When she wants to know that Elise cares. When she's dealing with feelings of rejection.

I'm afraid we're going to lose track of Elise and when it matters to Lauren, I won't know where to find her. Luckily I have the connection with her mom, so that helps. I just want to be sure that if and when Lauren wants Elise in her life -- be it in the form of a birthday card or a hug -- I can give that to her. And I can't. It's not my choice. All I can do is keep the door open.

2009-11-23T16:37:00.003-05:00

The insomnia continues. Saturday night I was up from 2:00-4:00 am and I've been up today since 4:00. This is not a problem I have a lot these days, but had a nasty case of it in college. The last two episodes have included bizarre shoulder/upper back pain that's so annoying I can't get back to sleep. I have no idea what's causing that but I sure hope it stops soon.

Happy for the short week, although I really have a ton of work to do and could use a full week and then some to get some things accomplished. Never mind that. I'm looking forward to making pies to take to my mom's, Lauren's birthday party and seeing my family. Mostly, I am looking forward to having someone else cook for me for three whole days. Heaven.

A Friday Equation

2009-11-20T16:58:00.003-05:00

Up by 5:30 am every day
+
One night of insomnia/non-sleeping child
+
Two days of mind-numbing tasks at work
+
Belly full of Indian food
+
4:59 pm
=
Zombie mommy

The Fascinating Inner Workings of My Brain

2009-11-17T16:32:00.002-05:00

Here are some thoughts I had today:

I could quite possibly be the only woman alive who doesn’t give a flip about “New Moon.”
Why is my office always so cold?
Maybe I’ll open a yoga studio.
Are these wounds ever going to stop being itchy?
Lauren has yet another cold. She just finished up a second round of antibiotics a week and a half ago. Yea, winter.
Why is the orange spray paint from Halloween still in my hair?
We’re having pasta for dinner. Again.
Is it really time to order a 2010 calendar already?
How is it possible that Sarah Palin got a book published?

Back At It

2009-11-16T15:11:00.002-05:00

"It" being work, I suppose. I'm kind of amazed at how little I minded doing nothing but watch TV and nap for a week. When I'm stuck at home sick with a bad cold or flu I have about a day's worth of tolerance for that laying around stuff, but sure didn't mind it last week.

The worst part of being at work? Wearing a bra. The underwire cuts right into one of my incisions. And don't even suggest going without or even one of those camisoles with the built-in "shelf" bra. Those days are long gone.

The best part of being back at work? I can look at these anytime I want, on my big desktop monitor instead of my Blackberry. Carolyn is a freaking genius. Call her today for your next photo shoot!

I'll Cut You, Man

2009-11-12T10:53:00.002-05:00

Surgery went fine and I've been laying around being a slug all week. Every once in a while I get a burst of energy and do things like organize my recipes or throw out old magazines, but basically it's all TV, all the time.

It wasn't too bad and although I'm a bit sore and sometimes really tired, it hasn't been nearly as bad as the nasty bought of bronchitis I had a few weeks back.

Lauren keeps asking to "see your belly" and then she says "ew." I don't blame her. I look like I've been in a prison knife fight. Four incisions. Pretty.

I did just find an EKG sticky thing under my left armpit, though. I think it's time to take a shower.

Thanks

2009-11-06T16:09:00.003-05:00

I've been wanting to do this in a formal way for a while, so I thought I'd try it today. I've read a lot about practicing gratitude, both from religious and secular sources, and believe that it does help to remember what's good about my life, rather than always thinking about what needs to be fixed. Good to count my blessings and all that. So, in no particular order, here are things I am grateful for today:

It's 4:10 on a Friday and I will soon be heading home to my two favorite people.
Being able to get well with a $20 co-pay and a $12 prescription. Everyone should be able to do this.
Indian food. Particularly saag choley and boat loads of rice.
A dear friend to share said Indian food with -- happy birthday Ang!
My bed. Seriously the best $1000 I've ever spent. I had no idea how uncomfortable my old bed was until we got this one.
Pandora. Sure makes my day go faster.
A job in a stable industry and an even more stable company.
A healthy, funny, smart child. Who's so stinking cute I can't stand it!
Connecting with old friends on Facebook and keeping in touch with former co-workers, roommates, etc.
Books. Made of paper. None of that Kindle crap.
Being married to a nice man. Who still makes me laugh after nearly 18 years.
Driving a car that doesn't make me wonder if it's going to make it where I'm going. (I've driven my share of pray-and-drive junkers.)
Dental floss.
Self-check-out lanes at the grocery.

Randomness

2009-11-04T16:14:00.003-05:00

I am whipped. Need to remember to write in the mornings, not at 4:14 in the afternoon when I'm completely wiped out from work. My boss is going out of town the rest of the week, then I'm out next week, so I've been very busy trying to get some things wrapped up today.

In other news, the orange hair spray paint goo that I used to make my Wilma Flintstone 'do last Friday night is STILL not out of my hair. I have little flecks of the stuff clinging to my hair here and there, despite having shampooed multiple times since then. Hm.

And finally, this makes me happy. It was recorded at the Rose Bowl, not in Chicago where I saw them, but still reminds me of that fantastic event (can't call it just a concert) at Soldier Field.

NaBloPoMo

2009-11-03T16:22:00.004-05:00

No, it's not some kind of sandwich you'll find in New Orleans, NaBloPoMo is National Blog Posting Month. Like the site says, "Post every day for a month. That's all you have to do." Well, I'm already two days behind, but I'm going to give this thing a shot. With a couple of caveats -- I seriously doubt I will post on weekends, as I spend all day Monday through Friday in front of a computer and have no interest in logging on on the weekends. Also, I'm having surgery on Monday, so not sure how much I'll feel like posting once that's done. But, blog as often as possible this month, I will. Even if it's just to post pics. Like this from Halloween:

Yes, I'm Jealous

2009-10-19T12:22:00.004-04:00

If I read another Facebook status update from a stay-at-home mom which has something to do with:

going back to bed after getting the kids on the bus, or
taking a nap on a weekday, or
reading a book whilst sipping a cup of tea and listening to the rain

I'm going to lose it.

I Need a Wife

2009-10-13T16:18:00.005-04:00

This is the time of year where it feels like I'm getting on a speeding train that doesn't stop until New Year's Day. Halloween's coming up and although I have already bought Lauren's costume, I still need to get tights or leggings to go under it. We have a family Halloween party to go to in a week and a half and I have nothing. I thought it would be funny to go as this family:

But now I'm questioning if I really want to wear that little of clothing in semi-public. I never wear dresses/skirts and rarely go sleeveless and hoo boy, we've got both going on here. Plus, I'm not about to spend $50 for each of the costumes, so I'm not sure what I'm going to do. Make something out of old sheets? (and I don't sew)

This time of year also always involves a wardrobe re-vamp for Lauren, since she doesn't fit into anything warm from last year. I feel like the wardrobe manager for a tiny diva, always on the hunt for something new for her, coordinating outfits, buying new shoes, socks, everything. Right now I'm trying to find a hat and mittens, which you would think wouldn't be that tough, but there is nothing out there for a kid her size, it's either baby stuff of big kid stuff.

Speaking of clothes, I need to find something for Lauren to wear for her 3-year pictures next month. And us, too, if we're going to be in some of them. Haven't had a family picture done since she was a baby so should probably do that.

Sounds like my life is all about clothing of one kind or another. I've also got 2 birthday parties to plan, potential visitors to prepare for, and less than 4 weeks to get caught up at work before being out for a week for gall bladder surgery, and possibly 2 weeks of jury duty right after that. Then we'll be past Thanksgiving and the REAL fun will begin.

I'm here

2009-10-12T13:30:00.003-04:00

Good lord, I need to do a better job of writing. Everything has slipped lately -- housework (more than usual), work, taking care of myself. My grandma died last week. I went home for the calling hours (people around here have never heard of that term; they call it "visitation") and the funeral. The funeral was a hard day, but it was good to be with family. My extended family is not very affectionate with each other, but we cried and hugged a lot and that was good for us. I still feel raw from the whole thing, and that, combined with work pressure (I am so behind and it's only going to get worse as I will potentially be gone from work for 3 weeks next month because I have to have surgery and then 2 weeks of jury duty), makes me feel on the verge of tears all the time. It will get better.

This Just In From Hollywood

2009-09-10T11:38:00.007-04:00

Katherine Heigl, from "Grey's Anatomy," which I've never seen, is adopting a baby from Korea. You can read the whole story here.

Great, fine, I'm happy for her. Until I got to this: "Heigl, whose sister Meg is adopted from Korea, told USA Today that adopting a child is something she's 'always planned.' 'I'm done with the whole idea of having my own children,' Heigl said. '[It] doesn't seem like any fun. I don't think it's necessary to go through all of that.'"

Okay, I'm going to ignore the obvious "hey, I'm adopting so I don't have to go through the messy inconvenience of pregnancy" (because, Lordy, adopting is just such an easy, trouble-free process).

But, um, Katherine? Your baby from Korea will, in fact, be YOUR OWN child.

Methinks someone needs a bit of adoption education before getting on the plane to Korea.

Hey lady, it's not a clown car!

2009-09-01T13:34:00.002-04:00

I'm all for reproductive freedom (mostly; very complex issue for me), but COME ON!

What's Been Going On

2009-08-26T15:52:00.004-04:00

Lots of random stuff to report. Here we go:

I have gall stones and my doctor wants me to have the old gallbladder removed. Not thrilled about the prospect, but also not thrilled about another three-hour, middle-of-the-night episode of that pain. So far I am watching what I eat (my doctor's exact words were "very low fat diet") and doing some research to make sure I really should have a body part removed.
My grandma has terminal cancer. Thinking about her dying is, well, unthinkable. I'm going to see her in a couple of weeks.
A childhood friend just died of cancer. Although we hadn't been in touch for years, it still came as quite a shock. 40 is way too young to die. I'm glad I got to talk to him at our high school reunion two years ago.
On to happier things...Bret and I have a real date this weekend. First time since January, when 10 minutes after we got to the restaurant his mom called to say Lauren was puking. So I'm keeping my expectations low that this is actually going to happen. She already has a runny nose; who knows what that could turn into in a few days?
I am Mad Men Obsessed. The third DVD from season 2 is arriving from Netflix tomorrow, then I have the rest of season 2 and the beginning of season 3 recorded at home. Good lord, how I love to lose myself in that show.
I'm getting my hair cut and colored on Saturday. I believe the time has come to start dyeing in earnest. I pulled an amazingly thick white hair out of my head the other day; the brown strands are about as thin and wimpy as can be, but those white ones, boy, they like to be seen.
Is it just me, or do there seem to be an awful lot of pregnant women walking around these days? I think half the moms of kids in Lauren's class are pregnant. Darn breeders.

Mom Days Off

2009-08-13T15:41:00.004-04:00

I am incredibly fortunate to get 4 weeks of vacation -- it's a big reason why I took my current job. As I tell everyone, 4 weeks of vacation is like pure gold to a working mom, and I would scrub this entire facility with my own toothbrush for that kind of time off.

I have yet to take more than 2 days off in a row, however. When you're a working mom, days off are for things like getting your teeth and carpets cleaned (both of which I'll be doing tomorrow). It's the only way stuff like that gets done. One day last summer I scheduled 4 doctor appointments for one day. So much easier than trying to take a couple of hours off here and there and make up the time at work.

For any kind of house project larger than, say, running the vacuum, I have to take a day off work. There's no way I can paint or work on the landscaping or organize a room in the evenings (I wouldn't get to it until after Lauren goes to bed, and I have zero energy by then anyway) or on the weekend (only have enough time to do the basics, like buy groceries and do laundry).

I am hoping to take a full week off sometime next year for the three of us to take a little trip. But for now, I will be grateful that I am still getting paid on those days I'm home shredding bills or cleaning out my car or running errands or having my doctor tell me to eat skinless chicken and walk more often. Plenty of moms aren't so lucky.

Big Girls Need Love, Too

2009-08-04T13:33:00.002-04:00

I totally watched this last night. I've never seen so much Lane Bryant and insecurity in the same room before (and trust me, I've got plenty o'both).

2009-07-31T15:24:00.003-04:00

Oh, my poor, sad little blog. I have been neglecting you for lack of anything meaningful to write about. Or at least the gumption to write down any meaningful thoughts I've had.

The summer has been nice, both weather-wise and otherwise. ("Nice" is not a very descriptive word, but that's all I've got right now.) We've taken a long weekend with my extended family, a long weekend to visit friends in Nashville and will soon take another long weekend with Bret's family. I think next year we're going to do something, just the three of us. Hopefully go away for a whole week, which we haven't done in ages, and never since Lauren's arrival.

Lauren is in a new school because her old one closed (with less than a week's notice) and we like it even better. I think she does, too.

We have spent a lot of time this summer talking about changes -- jobs, houses, etc. and it looks like all will stay the same, at least for now. That's okay with me. There are many good things about where we are.

The only other news I have is that somehow I went from a 5+ year old phone that I barely knew how to use to a BlackBerry Storm that I really don't know how to use. It's kind of a fun toy, if a bit unnecessary. Sometimes you need something like that, just for the heck of it.

More House Pics

2009-07-22T09:31:00.011-04:00

As promised, here are some after/still in progress photos of the landscaping.

This is a VAST improvement over what the front of the house looked like when we bought it -- orangish-red double front door (very Brady Bunch), same color shutters and massively overgrown shrubs everywhere. I built that stone wall a few years ago and am still pretty proud of it.

Found the rock in the side yard and decided it belonged in the front. That thing was seriously heavy.

My folks bought me the trellis for Christmas. You can't see it, but there is a plant at the base of it that's just starting to climb up.

They're a little sad now, but these 3 blue maid holly bushes should fill in nicely...hopefully it'll happen soon. We still need to define the edge of the beds and plant more grass.

The Great Landscaping Project of 2009

2009-07-02T13:24:00.011-04:00

Here's what the front of the house looked like before the tree guys came and removed 33 years worth of overgrown shrubs:

And here's what it looked like when they were done:

Lovely, eh? Here's more.

Before:

(I kid you not, the short, stubby shrub on the left was the size of a Volkswagen.)

And after:

The other side of the house before:

I don't have an "after" of that, but you get the idea.

Things don't look nearly so bare as they do in the "after" pics here. Next time I'll post what it looks like now, after Bret spent 3 days spreading 7 cubic (cubic, right? I don't do math) yards of topsoil around the foundation, and then mulch on top of that. I planted 3 new shrubs and 5 perennials last weekend in the front and hope to plant some more this weekend.

Summer

2009-06-26T10:54:00.002-04:00

Too much to do, not enough to say, so I'll just post this summer pic of my girl.

Get Me Outta Here

2009-06-15T11:03:00.002-04:00

I'm only working three days this week so I feel like I've got a big ol' case of senioritis -- can't focus, don't want to be here, ready to eat my lunch at 10:30 am.

We've also been talking a lot about jobs, cities, houses...so I'm all twitchy about making a big change, but that might not even happen. Who knows? The woman who said she would NEVER build a house is now all about the floor plans and the "elevation B" and lot sizes...what's up with that?

Confessions of a Lapsed Yogini

2009-06-04T15:43:00.003-04:00

I started taking yoga 10 years ago, when I was working for a completely insane woman and desperately needed the stress relief. My first yoga teacher was Donna, a muscular yet curvy blonde in her early 40s who had lived in an ashram in the 70s. She was self-assured and focused, yet had a calming effect on me. I loved the Sanskrit names for the poses, the candles she would light and have us focus our gaze on during meditation. Donna was a stickler for correct alignment, which annoyed me at first, but I eventually realized how important that was (and it drives me crazy now when teachers don’t care about proper alignment). I loved how I felt after the class.

I left that crazy boss and followed Donna to a yoga school close to my new job. I took classes there from several different teachers, but mostly from Donna and then Bodil, who had moved to the US from Norway in her teens, and was at the time in her late 50s or early 60s and still had a bit of an accent. Her class was not easy, not all about relaxation. But it was fantastic. She was direct, kind, down to earth, funny and extremely knowledgeable about all aspects of yoga, not just the poses and the physical side of it. We chanted, we om’d, we sang. At this time I was going through fertility treatments and felt quite at war with my body. I started going to a yoga class two or sometimes even three times a week. For those 90 minutes, I accepted everything about myself. Who I was, what I looked like, what I couldn’t do. It was heaven. I always, always left class feeling like I not only had a good workout, but also better about myself.

I’ve taken classes at a couple of other studios and a gym or two. For me, it’s all about the teacher and the atmosphere. I don’t want a room with mirrors or a teacher who treats it like an exercise class. I like the candles, the chanting music, the scented eye bags we wore during savasana. I like stretching and holding a pose until I sweat and think I can’t hold it anymore – and especially how I feel when I come out of that pose. (Bodil used to say, “You know what’s the best part about yoga? When it’s over.”)

I think I’ve been to two or three classes since Lauren was born. The yoga school got a new owner and moved to a new building. Donna no longer teaches there (or anywhere that I can find her) and Bodil moved away. I have become lazy, and unwilling to not see my daughter for a 24-hour period in order to go to a class after work. I sometimes do poses at home, but it’s not the same as a class. I miss the physical aspects of it, but even more, what it did for me mentally and spiritually. It’s one of the many things I’d like to put back on my to-do list.

2009-05-28T16:47:00.003-04:00

Oh, hello, blog. Just haven't felt inspired to write anything. I revised the talk I gave at Nexus Church into an essay and entered it in a writing contest (one that every moron with a pencil will no doubt enter, so I don't expect to win anything), and ever since I finished that editing work, I have felt creatively dried-up. That, and I have been reading about what The Economy (so sick of hearing about it) has done to the publishing industry; namely, while a year or two ago there was a big market for memoir, there isn't any longer (unless you're a celebrity or something). So that made me feel like, ugh, why bother with my book/proposal idea. Of course, I can't let that stop me. If I want to write, I should write. If I can't sell the damn thing the usual way, I'll photocopy it at Kinko's and sell it at interstate off-ramps.

Moving on. I postponed the stump grinder guy, as I was loathe to piss off my neighbors again. We'll reschedule for a more reasonable hour some other day.

We've been having really good school drop-offs with Lauren. After nearly a year of tears (and sometimes clutching me, and one time biting me), she runs down the hall to her classroom, gives me some kisses and hugs and says, "Bye!" I am stunned, and really proud of her. I've been celebrating with a stop at Starbucks after dropping her off. They seem confused by the concept of adding vanilla to a mocha every time I order it. Ah, the trials of suburban life.

Finally, I am having starting-over fantasies of moving to another city, buying a new (or at least newer) house, and working part time. I know. It's just another midlife crisis.

Deforestation

2009-05-13T12:26:00.005-04:00

We had 5 dead/dying trees and every last 30+ year-old shrub removed from around our house on Saturday. There was one shrub I referred to as Grimace, because it had the exact shape of that scary, dimwitted fast-food character. There were two others roughly the same size and shape as Volkswagen Beetles. They were just a mess, and had to go. When they were removed, everything below the surface needles/leaves/whatever was dead. So trimming was not an option. I am thrilled to have a clean slate; I’ve wanted those things gone since we moved in. Replanting is going to require a lot of work, and I’m sure we won’t get everything done by the end of the summer, but at least we’ll get it all filled in with topsoil and mulch. I will post some pics when I get them off my camera.

Oh, and apologies to my neighbors for the tree guys firing up the chain saws and chipper at 7:45 am on a Saturday. I thought it would be more like 8:30 when they got started (which I now realize is still early for non-toddler households; when you've been up at 5:00 am for two and a half years, you kinda lose track of normal hours). Oops. Oh, well. Paybacks for all the ATV/car/boat engine-revving at naptime and late-night pool parties which caused me to close my windows on lovely summer evenings. Fair warning: the stump grinder guy is arriving next weekend at 9:00 am – get to bed early on Friday, people.

Buy This Book

2009-05-05T11:57:00.004-04:00

I am promoting the release of this book, which comes out today, written by a woman I've never met. But now that I'm on the book-writing path myself, I know how important promotion is, and I want to help out any authors I like and believe in. 'Cause that's what we writer girls do. (and hey, Jen, if you want to pass along my proposal to your agent, that'd be great, too)

Anyway, I've read all of Jen's other books, which are very funny. I love her in-your-faceness, and her willingness to show you who she really is, even the parts most of us might not be willing to share with millions of strangers. I like her rambly, e-mail-like writing style with plenty of parentheticals. We are roughly the same age, so I can relate with her love of all things 80s. And we are roughly the same size, so I can also relate with her last book, Such a Pretty Fat.

I'll be picking this one up for my long weekend at the cabin with my family in June. Jen writes great plane/beach books, but you never feel like you've lost a few IQ points along the way, as I find with most vacation-worthy books. Pick one up today! (how'd I do, Jen?)

Spring Speaking Tour: Part II

2009-05-04T13:55:00.002-04:00

I enjoyed my time at Nexus Church yesterday. I think my talk (about family, adoption and the now-illegal Butler County Children Services policy which discriminated against single, gay and lesbian folks for foster placements) went okay. I didn't feel nervous but obviously I was because my voice was "wavery" and my hands didn’t seem to know where to land. I hate that. Anyway, I really liked meeting the people there and hearing their stories. Such lovely people, and so sad what many of them have had to endure.

I also enjoyed the process of writing the thing. It helped me sort through some random thoughts in my head. It also got me writing regularly, which is a good thing. Have I mentioned on here that I am working on a book proposal? (that doesn't feel as scary/pretentious/implausible as saying "I'm writing a book.") Anyway, I hope to use this momentum to continue working on the proposal.

Gray Hair Update

2009-04-29T15:47:00.002-04:00

I found two in my bangs in the last week. I think the onslaught has begun. This is not going to work for me. Any hair color companies out there want to sponsor a blog?

I Have the Sense of Humor of a Grade-Schooler

2009-04-27T13:06:00.003-04:00

For years, this has been my favorite joke:

me: Knock-knock.
you: Who's there?
me: Interrupting cow.
you: Interrup---
me: MOOOOOO

Kinda hard to get that across in writing, but trust me. It's funny. I did, however, hear a one today that might just be my new favorite:

A lonely guy goes to a pet shop to get himself a new pet. The pet shop owner says, "Have I got a pet for you! I have this centipede who talks and sings opera. He'll be perfect for you." The guy is dubious, but decides to take a look. Sure enough, the centipede comes out of his little house, carries on an intelligent conversation, and sings a glorious aria. "Sold!" says the guy.

After a few days of scintillating conversation and beautiful singing, the guy decides he has to show off his amazing new pet. He knocks on the roof of the centipede's little house and says, "C'mon, let's go down to the bar. You can meet the fellows and show off your voice. It'll be great!" No response.

The guy tries again. He knocks on the roof, encourages the centipede to come on, already. No response.

He tries a third time, this time getting a little snippy. "What's the matter? Are you shy or something? Come ON!"

Finally, he hears a voice from inside the house."Keep your shirt on! I heard you the first time; I'm putting on my shoes!"

I'm Just a Girl

2009-04-23T13:52:00.004-04:00

I don’t know why, but I always assumed I’d be a mom to boys. Maybe because I have 4 brothers who I’ve generally gotten along with well. Or maybe because I have uncles who were teenagers when I was born, and therefore teased me mercilessly with activities such as “cutdown,” a game where I would run past the couch where they were sitting while they threw pillows at my ankles, Frisbee-style, to see who could get me to wipe out first. This sort of thing tends to toughen you up a bit, and become familiar with the male psyche early on. I’ve always had male friends, even in elementary school. In high school, my mother was completely perplexed by my hanging out with a guy friend, who was not my boyfriend, and never would be (okay, one or two of them turned out to be gay, but still). And I’ve always had guy buddies at work. None of this is to say that I don’t get along with women; I do. My closest friends have always been and still are women. And I’ve never been a tomboy, either, despite looking the part there for a while as a skinny, 6’0” seventh grader. I just “get” guys, in a way that a lot of women don’t. A woman I used to work with told me once that I had a “male sense of humor.” I don’t know exactly what that means, except maybe that I can appreciate a good fart joke more than the average woman (which probably has at least 50% to do with why Bret married me).

Anyway. I didn’t have a preference as to whether we ended up with a girl or a boy, I just figured I would make me a really good mom of a boy. And then Lauren arrived. And I was, of course, delighted. (The first thing I discovered about what’s fun about having a girl is the clothes. Holy moly, do they make some cute clothes for little girls. I have completely transferred my interest in fashion to Lauren’s wardrobe.)

I have known people who were expecting a child and hoping it was a boy – their reasoning being that “boys are easier.” I don’t know exactly what this is supposed to mean, but I think it comes down to periods and hormones and “Oh, God, what if she gets pregnant?” I don’t know why they don’t think that’s a problem if you have a boy. They think girls are moody or mean or prone to drama. Yes, some of them are (or all of us are, some of the time). But so are boys (see above: four brothers). And I think it’s incredibly sexist to assume a girl will be “harder” to raise than a boy. Boy, girl, doesn’t matter; it’s the individual kid’s personality, not the gender, that makes him or her “difficult.”

One thing I’ve discovered about mothering a girl is that the world is more open for girls – what’s available to them in a socially acceptable way is broader than it is for boys. (I’m not saying it’s right that boys are often discouraged from pursing activities or interests that are traditionally those of girls, I’m just saying that’s the way it is.) Girls can play dolls and wear pink one minute and the next be sweaty and grimy on the soccer field. I love being able to expose Lauren to a whole world of possibilities – bugs and hair clippies, being a doctor for Halloween and loving new shoes, playing sports and playing kitchen.

I think I was given a girl, in part, because there’s something I’m supposed to learn about myself along the way. Something that I wouldn’t learn if we had a boy. I don’t know what that is yet, but I’m enjoying the journey so far.

Suggested Sites for Work Slack

2009-04-21T16:11:00.003-04:00

All right, I'm totally phoning this in. But here are some sites you might get a kick out of (no, I have not included a link to British singing sensation, Susan Boyle). Sorry if I've already shared these.

Anyone who's ever lived in a dorm or apartment with more than one roommate should like this site. Ah, yes, I remember it well...the snotty Post-Its in the bathroom or on the sink from a disgruntled roomie.

And this site. It's not updated frequently, but I do check it from time to time. There have been some really funny lists on here. This one and this one are a couple of my favorites.

2009-04-15T11:01:00.003-04:00

Another post-holiday hangover, including a smidge of resentment. Bret was irritated with me on Sunday because his parents were coming over for dinner, and he wanted to take them upstairs to show them Lauren’s new bed, and my solution was to just close the doors of the upstairs rooms we didn’t want them to see (because they were messy). He didn’t like that idea, so he tidied them up himself, which was just fine with me.

Maybe that should be the end of the story, but these holidays always get me thinking about equality, and how it isn’t so much the day-to-day stuff, where I’m more or less happy with the division of labor, it’s all the special occasions that are so completely out-of-whack imbalanced. For example, for Easter I, and I alone:

Planned the menu for Easter dinner
Ordered the ham
Did all the grocery shopping two days before
Picked up the ham the day before
Bought a new tablecloth (to match the china, of course)
Bought egg-coloring supplies, cooked the eggs and organized a lovely family egg-coloring event
Bought all Lauren’s Easter bunny presents, including 2 books, 3 t-shirts, a bit of candy, stickers and a stuffed bunny (not all bought at the same time or the same place)
Bought, “stuffed” and hid plastic eggs for Lauren
Planned Lauren’s Easter outfit
Washed Lauren’s new Easter tights by hand
Ironed Lauren’s Easter dress
Got Lauren dressed for Easter – twice; once for church and once after nap so the grandparents could see her in her dress – including fighting her both times and constantly following her around to fix the bow on her dress and her hair thingies
Hand washed all the china
Set the table
Hand washed all the globes from 2 chandeliers (man, those things were fuzzy; a testament to my general housekeeping standards)
Cleaned the house – oops, just the downstairs (minus downstairs bathroom; Bret did do that), plus all the clutter from Lauren’s room and some of the clutter from my room
Cooked a ham, 3 side dishes, and a dessert (which we ended up throwing away because it wasn’t cooked in the middle), timing everything so it was all ready at the same time (mostly succeeded at this)
Got everyone’s drinks; refilled drinks and food a couple of times throughout the meal

I will admit that I’m the one who volunteered to host Easter dinner and I honestly didn’t mind doing it. I rarely cook a decent meal so I actually enjoyed doing it. Bret’s parents do a lot for us and I wanted to have them over on a holiday for a nice meal. I will also admit that I would just prefer to do most of these things myself. I know what needs to be done and…it’s just easier to do them myself. What I do resent is being made to feel bad for not having every room in the house clean. Because I was just a LITTLE BIT BUSY DOING OTHER THINGS.

2009-04-10T09:23:00.012-04:00

After hours and hours of eBay'ing, I finally scored tickets to the U2 concert in Chicago this fall. I am beyond excited. A little history: I started listening to U2 in 1982, when The Edge not only had hair, but he had BIG hair:

They were not popular back then; I'm not even sure if they were being played on the radio much. But I liked their sound, and I liked their lyrics. Fast-forward to 1987 when I was a freshman in college in Delaware, OH. My boyfriend at the time was an even bigger U2 fan and he got us tickets to see them in concert in Cleveland. This was the Joshua Tree tour. However, I neither had a car on campus, nor was brave enough to get in a car with strangers and drive the 2 hours to Cleveland, so I missed the show. My boyfriend bought me a shirt, which I wore for years, until it started to shred, and then I hung it on my dorm wall the rest of my college days. Man, I wish I'd hung onto that shirt.

Why I've never made it to a concert in the 22 years since then I don't know. I can count on one hand the number of pop music concerts I've been to EVER. I think, in part, it's because Bret got his fill of concert-going in the early to mid 80s -- spending his teenage years seeing Rush, Van Halen, Styx, Scorpions, Boston, and Def Leppard burned him out on the whole experience. Anyway, several months ago when I heard that U2 had a new album coming out and knew there'd be a tour, I decided I was going, no matter what. (Even if you don't love their music, you know they've gotta put on a great show.)

I was on Ticketmaster's site the second the tickets went on sale, but they sold out instantly (I still don't quite understand how that happens). So I checked out some ticket brokers, but their prices were ridiculous, so I started bidding on eBay. I didn't have to have the best seats in the house, but I really didn't want the cheapest ones, either. I'd like to be able to see, not just hear. I finally won an auction. The seats aren't great, but they're not terrible. Aw, who cares? I'm thrilled to be going. Now I just need to find someone to go with me... (another story for another day)

Spring Speaking Tour: Part I

2009-04-08T17:03:00.005-04:00

The panel presentation at the Resolve conference last weekend went well. I met some really great people, including a couple who have 6 kids (2 bio, 2 from Russia and 2 from China -- yikes!), and another couple with 2 boys from the same birth mother. Such lovely people. I was thinking on the drive home that truly some of the kindest, most thought-filled (people who think things through a lot; not necessarily thoughtful, although usually they are that, too) people I know are adoptive parents. Not saying we're saintly or any of that, just that I think if you go to this much trouble to be a parent, you probably REALLY want to be one, have thought about it and your own life and what it all means a lot. Hell, you have to, if you want to fill out the paperwork in any meaningful way. But I digress. The participants were lovely, too. I so remember being one of them -- tons of questions, not sure if this is your path or not, wondering if you can really give up on "treatment" (as we in the biz call it) and move on to adoption with joy and hopefulness after so much heartbreak. I wanted to gather them all up in my arms and say, "Just do it; you won't regret it one bit."

Friday Links

2009-04-03T15:23:00.003-04:00

I don't have anything to report today, so I'll just share with you some good stuff off the interwebs:

Pandora. I'm probably way behind here (I usually am when it comes to all things techie and/or hip), but this is a very cool site where you create your own "radio station" by typing in a song or artist/band name and it plays songs similar to the one you typed in, or songs similar to the ones the band you typed in plays. Are you still following me? It's all based on something called the Music Genome Project, which I won't even try to describe here but it's very cool. Anyway, I like it because I listen to the radio via the Internet at work every day and was getting really sick of the repetition, as well as the crappy quality (buffering, always buffering). You can create more than one "station" so you can listen to a different genre, depending on your mood. Right now I'm listening to the station I created by typing in "Duran Duran" (nothing gets me through a Friday afternoon like some 80s pop). I also created two other stations by typing in "Ben Folds" and "New Order". Oh, and there are no commercials and no fees. Kinda cool.

Inappropriate Yoga Guy. I started taking yoga 10 years ago and although I haven't taken many classes in the last couple of years, I do still like to practice at home (not as often as I should). Anyway, if you've ever taken a yoga class, this will crack you up. And if you haven't, you might find it amusing, too. This is a new Web series based on a YouTube video (not as good as these).

First Sentence

2009-03-26T10:34:00.003-04:00

Lauren's been talking up a storm for a while now. Every day she says new words and is doing a great job of putting 3 or 4 words together so we can really communicate. Her favorites are "Where sun go?" and "Bath time NOW." and "I pee in potty."

The talking was especially helpful yesterday when she was able to tell us that her ear hurt (she's had what I thought was a cold, but after a trip to the doc, found out that basically the whole left side of her head is a mess -- sinus infection, ear infection and something lovely coming out of her eye).

Anyway, last night as I sat up from being flat on the couch, she looked at me with glee and said, clear as day, "Mommy, your hair is a mess!"

2009-03-20T10:42:00.002-04:00

In the last couple of weeks I’ve been asked to speak in public. In April I’m going to serve on a panel of parents who’ve adopted domestically, at the RESOLVE Great Lakes Conference. It feels a little funny to be on this side of things. I attended 2 or 3 of those conferences several years ago and got a lot of great information, as well as the boost from meeting people who “get it” when it comes to infertility. Now, I’ll be answering their questions about what it’s like to adopt. I hope I don’t scare the crap out of them. I also hope I don’t feel pitied – I have this sense that to someone who’s still holding out hope that she’ll get pregnant, I’m her worst nightmare: I tried, it didn’t work, so I adopted. I am proof that fertility treatments don’t always work. But I’m also proof that if you want to be a parent, and you’re willing to go through a lot of bullshit and pain to get there, you can. I hope they feel hopeful after hearing us adoptive parents speak. I will try to tone down the “pain and bullshit” stuff (but really, they need to know that it’s not all sunshine and roses; I don’t know anyone who’s adopted who would say that the process was easy, that waiting was no big deal, that they didn’t encounter any roadblocks or disappointments along the way). And I am not inclined to give them the “it was all worth it in the end” line, either. Yes, I would go through all of that again to get Lauren, but saying those kinds of things to people who are just now starting to even consider adopting is not helpful. I’m sure many of them are already hearing “just adopt” from their friends and family members, and there is no “just” in that process, trust me.

The other thing I was asked to speak about is related to the last two blog posts, about the new Butler County Children’s Services policy to give preference for foster and adoptive placements to hetero married folks. I’ll be speaking at Nexus Church in May, where I attended on and off last spring/summer. This will be good for me, because as an intuitive-type person (INFJ, if you’re into Myers-Briggs stuff), I “know” things in my gut that I can’t always articulate off the top of my head. I need to write it out to get clear on my thoughts. I’m looking forward to doing it and feel honored to be asked.

Natural Selection

2009-03-11T16:04:00.006-04:00

And so the story continues and the good people of southwestern Ohio comment.

Here’s one:
“These people are defective and should not be allowed to adopt. If you can't conceive naturally as nature intended you shouldn't be adopting/or let someone else bear your child (a surrogate). This is natures way of telling you, NO ! I don't hate gays also not religious but nature rules.”

Huh. I guess that not only applies to gay and lesbian folks, but folks like me. So if you ARE able to conceive “naturally,” then you must be the cream of the crop. Your genes must be superior to the genes of those who can’t conceive. And I guess that includes these people*:

A 40-year-old man who sexually abused his 19-year-old son who is physically and mentally handicapped and cannot speak.
A 28-year-old woman who murdered her newborn daughter by putting the baby in a microwave oven.
A 30-year-old man who shook his 4-month-old son so severely the baby was critically injured.
A 19-year-old who was charged with taking her baby to a drug deal.
A 25-year-old woman who shook her 3-month-old daughter so severely that she left the child blind and developmentally stunted with little hope of having any quality of life.
A 26-year-old man who badly injured his infant daughter, including giving her multiple rib fractures and a severe brain injury. Now 23 months old, she has the motor skills of a 1-month-old and the language skills of a 4-month-old.
A 19-year-old who was charged with killing his 4-week-old son. The child died from a skull fracture.

Yes, I can see how their superior genes deserved to be passed on.

* I did not have to search long for this list. Unfortunately, all are local people and all but one story is from within the last few months. So imagine what’s going on in the rest of the state and the country and the world.

Livid

2009-03-05T14:29:00.001-05:00

I came back from lunch and read this article about adoption in my county.

The moron in charge of this agency is a career politician with a bachelor’s degree in education. He is not qualified to even run this agency, let alone make policy decisions that are NOT based on research. He is a conservative Republican who is trying to advance his own moral agenda at the expense of children – children who need loving parents. Period.

I posted a comment to the article under the screen name gusdog-1, and added a link to this executive summary of research done on adoption by gays and lesbians. I sure hope the “leadership” of the agency reads it and learns a thing or two.

Oh, and in the interest of full disclosure, I do have a long-standing beef with this agency. Years ago, when I got sick of waiting for an adoption to come through Catholic Social Services (the adoption agency I was working with), I called Butler County Children’s Services and told them I had an approved homestudy and was interested in adopting through the county and asked what I needed to do. You'd think they would've jumped at that, with all the advertising they do about needing foster and adoptive parents, but the two or three people I spoke with were completely disinterested in talking to me. They said I had to go to the state of Ohio adoption web site, "surf" for a kid, and if he/she lived in Butler county, to give them a call. Way to be proactive. Clearly, they’re putting children first.

My Album

2009-02-26T15:39:00.009-05:00

Yes, I'm posting twice in one day. Anyhoo, this cracks me up. It's a Facebook thing.

What would your own album look like if you were in a band?

Follow the directions below and find out...Here are the rules:

1 - Go to Wikipedia. Hit “random”or click http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special:RandomThe first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 - Go to Quotations Page and select "random quotations"or click http://www.quotationspage.com/random.php3The last four or five words of the very last quote on the page is the title of your first album.
3 - Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”or click http://www.flickr.com/explore/interesting/7daysThird picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 - Use Photoshop or similar to put it all together.

I don't have Photoshop on this computer, so I just used Paint. Here's my album:

Obviously, my band is some sort of eastern European/British new wave hybrid. Pick it up today -- A Good Deal of Rubbish -- new from Bank of Slovenia.

Open

2009-02-26T09:34:00.006-05:00

I added some new blogs to my Sites I Like section to the right. I found some fantastic blogs written by moms who've adopted -- they're smart, funny and real. One is Production, Not Reproduction and the writer of that one is inviting anyone who blogs about open adoption to join her blogroll. Hence, the pretty new button at the top of this page.

I've written a bit about adoption here, but not about open adoption. We do indeed have an open adoption -- open can mean anything from knowing the birth mother's name to having frequent visits with both birth parents. For us, it means that I know who Lauren's birth mother is (I know who her birth father is too, but that's a story for another day). We met her before she gave birth. We were in the hospital room with her within an hour after she gave birth. We hung out with her on and off for the two days she was in the hospital, even though our social worker yelled at us for doing that. We send her pictures whenever we get new ones of Lauren. And she's been to our house four or five times to visit.

The concept of open adoption tends to freak most people out. They think it's giving the birth parents too much power, or that it's unhealthy, or that the birth parents could "take away" the child. I wasn't sure exactly how I felt about it when we started the adoption process, but I have come to understand a few things -- that a child can never have too many people who love her. That Bret and I are the mom and dad and we call the shots -- if we ever think it's a bad idea for Lauren to see her birth mother, we won't allow it (thankfully this has not been the case). And, from my own experience I know that it's better to have things out in the open. My parents divorced when I was three, my mom remarried when I was five, and no one ever spoke of my birth father again. There were no visits, cards or phone calls. It was as if this part of my life was a dirty secret I was not to think about. But of course I did think about it. And thought there must be something wrong with me if no one would talk to me about it So I just want Lauren to know all about where and who she comes from -- it's her story, and the way we became a family is not a dirty secret.

I don't claim to have all the answers on open adoption. I don't know what the future holds as far as a relationship for Lauren with her birth family. But I will always be honest with her about the people and circumstances surrounding her birth, her family, our family.

The Short Bus

2009-02-20T15:45:00.002-05:00

The highlight of my week -- nay, my month -- is that I was assigned to a parking lot closer to work. For 10 months I've had to take three highways, drive past the hospital, park in a lot downtown and take a shuttle the other direction, back to the hospital. The shuttle came every 20 minutes, so if I missed one that had just left, I could be sitting there quite a while waiting for another one to arrive. This made my commute about 2-1/2 hours a day, which drove me insane. Such a waste of time. And in the evenings I would fly in the door at 6:15 or so and slam some pans around trying to make dinner as fast as I could because I had a toddler saying "Mama, num-nums!" over and over.

The new lot is still not on-site; I still have to take a shuttle. But I only take one highway to work, park quite close to the hospital and the shuttle arrives every 10 minutes. This is going to save me 40-60 minutes a day in commuting. I am giddy.

More Ways In Which It Is Not 1976

2009-02-18T11:35:00.001-05:00

It’s starting already. I opened Lauren’s school bag this morning to find Valentines from her classmates (their party was on Friday and since she only goes on Tuesdays and Thursdays, she didn’t get her stuff until yesterday). I had sent cute, age-appropriate Valentine cards for all the kids in her class. Nearly all the other parents sent Valentine PRESENTS. Candy, toys, homemade cookies, even a heart-shaped water bottle. Now I look like the cheapo, dork mom who doesn’t know the protocol of Val Day.

These are two year olds, people! If this is what we’re doing now, what the heck is it going to be like by the fourth grade? I’ve only met a couple of the parents and they seem nice enough. But by giving stuff, instead of just cards, are we all trying to impress one another? I really want to try to avoid all that one-upping each other I hear that parents do with over-the-top birthday parties, bringing gifts when the invitation clearly says not to, etc. But you better believe I would’ve thrown in a little piece of candy or something had I known everyone else was going to give gifts. Just to avoid looking like a moron.

2009-02-11T14:34:00.007-05:00

Yes, I am the world's worst blogger. The inability to post something seems to have struck many of the bloggers I follow, too. Winter blahs, maybe? Dunno.

Anyway, same old, same old around here. Commuting, work, commuting, kid stuff, TV, laundry, sleep. Lots of snow, then lots of rain. Another cold that's hanging on. Death of the hot water heater. Loss of a large tree branch during ice storm. Toddler talking up a storm, the highlight of my days.

My dear friends came for a weekend visit and belated birthday celebration. Lauren joined in. A good day.

How To Celebrate, continued

2009-01-13T15:50:00.004-05:00

7. Shop at new Crate & Barrel store
8. Take self out for yummy lunch
9. Enjoy pampering at swanky day spa; feel like spoiled housewife; soak up compliments that you "don't look 40" from technicians who are hoping for big tips (it works)
10. Walk to car in disposable flip-flops so as not to ruin pedicure; drive home
11. Eat big old burger at favorite family-type restaurant while 2 year old blissfully stuffs her face with mac & cheese
12. Fall into bed exhausted and happy

How To Celebrate Your Birthday, The 40-Year Edition

2009-01-09T09:35:00.002-05:00

Get up with 2 year old at 5:15, lay on couch while she sits on you watching Caillou, drift off to sleep until she shifts her weight, then practically jump off the couch from being startled
Fix 2-year old breakfast, make her lunch, get her dressed, see her and hubs out the door
Fold a load of laundry while watching the Today show (I SWORE I wasn't going to do any housework, but I couldn't help it; I promise that's all I'll do)
Take shower, shave legs so as to not disgust massage therapist this afternoon
Dry hair, put on makeup, get dressed, gather laptop, leave house
Go to Panera to write and end up on Facebook for two hours instead

To be continued...

2009-01-05T12:55:00.002-05:00

2009 is off to a bit of an odd start. I just discovered how FREAKING GOOD celery dipped in red pepper hummus is. I already knew that I liked hummus, especially if it's got olives or garlic or red peppers in it, but celery? Who'd a thunk? I have carrots and crackers here, too, but they're just not as good.

And no, I am not dieting. But I did bring my lunch today, and it was (mostly) healthy. And I am planning to make use of my Y membership this week. I've committed to going one time this week. I know better than to proclaim in the first week of January that I'm going to work out five times. Once it is, and I will be happy with that.

Happy Birthday, Mom

2008-12-31T16:00:00.002-05:00

I'm a better mama for all you taught me. Have a wonderful day.

Christmas 2008 – Lessons Learned

2008-12-29T16:47:00.004-05:00

I had a great few days off and really enjoyed all four of our Christmas celebrations. After a couple of stressful years traveling with a baby, things are definitely easier now.

I learned a few things that I want to remember for next year:

Don’t make so many cookies – one batch of gingerbread is enough. No one eats the fudge or thumbprints anyway.
Make sure there’s enough flour in the gingerbread (it was flat and undercooked and I didn't know why – Mom said "use more flour").
Scrambled eggs, cranberry scones, ham and fruit salad is a perfect, fairly easy Christmas morning breakfast.
Take a day off to decorate (I did that and wouldn’t have been able to decorate otherwise).
Take the entire week before Christmas off (I didn't do this and about drove myself – or rather, drove my spouse – crazy trying to get everything done).
Leaving for a trip at nap time works great – Lauren slept almost the whole way there and half the way back.
Buy Lauren fewer presents. She would’ve been just as happy with 2 or 3 presents to open, instead of the 15 or 20 I had for her (including stocking stuffers) – she just wanted to play with whatever she opened, she didn’t want to put it aside and open something else.
Spend more money on my brothers – Marc gave Bret a $50 gift card, gave me a sweatshirt with a tag that said $49.99 (don’t know if it was on sale or not, but probably not) and gave Lauren I can’t remember what but I’m sure he spent at least $20 or $30. I gave him a blanket I got on sale for $15 and a $25 gift card. Oops.

All in all, a very nice few days.

Holiday Ramblings

2008-12-18T10:16:00.003-05:00

We have been battling stupid little illnesses over and over. Seems like as soon as Lauren gets over a cold she gets another one – and I'm getting everything she gets, including a stomach virus on Thanksgiving night that sought every possible way to exit my body, helping me lose 8 pounds in less than 24 hours (which is more than I lost in a year going to Weight Watchers). Seriously, I think that was as sick as I've ever been as an adult, but luckily it was over in a couple of days. Unfortunately, one of those days was Lauren’s birthday, so that sucked. Now I have bronchitis but just got some drugs so should be feeling better soon.

We tried 3 different weekends to go to my mom’s in November but never could because one or all of us was sick. I'm looking forward to spending a few days at Christmas with my extended family, especially my nephews. I talked to Caleb on the phone the other day (he's 2-1/2) and he said, "Aunt Kiss, I go pee-pee on the potty!" He also confessed, “I bite Katie” but I know that kid and I’m sure she deserved it.

Christmastime with a 2-year-old has been really fun . Lauren says "BYE!" to the Christmas tree every night on her way up to bed, and loves to drive around looking at lights. She is not, however, a big fan of Santa, and completely freaked out when we talked about him coming in our house to bring her presents while we're all sleeping (she saw him at the YMCA after swimming one day and ran), so we're kind of downplaying that for now.

I have just a couple of little gifts to buy yet, all my baking to do, a bit of wrapping, some cleaning and then tons of laundry and packing for when we head out of town. I know they say the smart thing to do is to eliminate those holiday chores you don’t really like to do, in order to enjoy the season more and keep your sanity, but there’s nothing I really don’t like to do. I like sending Christmas cards (finished that last weekend, see photo above), I like buying presents (but not the actual shopping, so I am the queen of Internet purchases, plus one big trip to Kohl’s). I like baking, although maybe not as much as I used to because it’s hard for me to find a big chunk of time, so I reduced the number things I make and stick to my signature giant ginger cookies and fudge. I haven’t actually started baking yet, despite my great plans to whip up the dough a couple of weeks ago and freeze it, but I’ll do that this weekend. I love to wrap presents, something I guess I got from my mom. She always does such a nice job with that. She buys beautiful high-end paper and bows (at 75% off the day after Christmas, which we always do together with my sister-in-law and between the three of us pretty much clean out the local Hallmark store) and puts thought into what wrapping paper she uses for who. Anyway, I’ve been wrapping four or five presents in the mornings before work and still have a few to go.

It would be nice to have more time to do these things, but I don’t feel that I’m stressing out about stuff. But I must be, because my hurry, hurry attitude caused a big fight at home last weekend. I know I can get everything done, but it requires me to keep moving, on to the next thing, fast, fast, fast. Maybe that’s the attitude I’m supposed to get rid of during the holidays. But it’s no different than how I operate during the rest of the year, so I can’t possibly turn it off when there are even more things to do. It is the way of the working mom.

Me Likey

2008-12-10T15:43:00.005-05:00

I have nothing interesting to write about. More illnesses at home, work crap, blah, blah, blah. So I thought I would instead share some eye candy with you:

I'm a little late to the "Mad Men" party, but thanks to Netflix I'm almost finished with season 1. All you ad people out there should check it out -- so fun to watch the bad boys of Madison Avenue in action, circa 1960. Makes working in advertising now look positively boring. And then, of course, there's Mr. Hamm. 'Nuff said.

Doodie

2008-11-25T16:37:00.003-05:00

Tired. First, my kid couldn't keep anything down for 48 hours. Not even water. Now that we're over that (and a false ear infection, and an unexplained rash, two visits to the doctor and three phone calls to the nurse), she won't poop. Operation Suppository failed so now we're on to Operation Laxative.

I just want her (and all of us) to be healthy for Thanksgiving, her birthday, and traveling to my mom's (we've tried to go the last two weeks and couldn't because one or all of us was sick).

No one tells you before you become a parent how much time you will spend thinking about poop.

Tip-Top-Tap

2008-11-14T13:17:00.006-05:00

I was in Chicago for a few days last week for a conference and tacked on some time for visiting with Kristin, my matron of honor (or as we said at the time "old bag of honor" because, really, isn't that what "matron" means?). I stayed at the Allerton Hotel, which was built in the '20s. It was renovated earlier this year and has lovely rooms. Other people at the conference complained that their rooms were very, very small, but they had 23rd-floor views of Michigan Avenue. My room, on the other hand, was about standard hotel size, but I was on the 4th floor, so my view was of the hotel's HVAC system and two sides of the building. Let's just say I left the curtains closed the whole time.

You might recognize the neon sign on the hotel, which you can see better in the picture below. Tip - Top - Tap was the name of the bar at the top of the hotel back in the day (the space is now occupied by a fitness center, and no, I didn't see it). It means there's a tap at the tip-top of the building. Clever, those flappers and gangsters and whoever.

Anyway, I made a pilgrimage to the Flagship Cathedral of the St. Holy Crate & Barrel and spent a good hour wandering all four stories -- and came out of there with a gravy boat and a towel. I guess I just don't need another serving plate or cheese grater.

It was nice to be away from my usual routine of work and heating up frozen pizza, but I had a hard time relaxing. I don't know what to do with myself without a job to go to or a house to tend to or people in that house who need me. I was too worried about what was going on at home, if Lauren was giving Bret a hard time, if she was sleeping (it's one thing to trade off with your partner when the kid won't sleep; it's another thing to have to handle it by yourself all night). They did just fine, and she's definitely daddy's girl now that she spent so much time with him. I also found it hard to relax because I'm so used to doing something all the time -- laundry, getting dinner ready, playing with Lauren, packing her lunch, reading the mail -- that to have NOTHING to do between 4:30 pm and 7:30 the next morning felt very strange. I thought I'd sleep the sleep of the dead without the baby monitor buzzing and a bed all to myself, but I didn't. I guess I like my crazy life more than I realized. And it was awfully nice to come home to these two:

I Hope She's Right

2008-11-04T13:47:00.000-05:00

What Lauren thinks of McCain's chances of winning today:

Dressing Up

2008-11-03T10:21:00.003-05:00

Yes, I went as Pat for Halloween. I have no idea what made me think of it, but that's what I did. It was actually really easy to pull off (which is kind of scary). I bought a wig and glasses, darkened my eyebrows with black eyeliner and wore no other makeup. I wore a pair of my own khakis and found an old denim shirt of Bret's, along with a black belt and some black oxfords I bought for Halloween a few years ago (we went as The Blues Brothers), and there you go.

Everyone at the party knew who I was right away and cracked up. So, it had the desired effect. I guess I am more into getting the laugh than taking the opportunity to dress uber-slutty like the trend seems to be right now for Halloween (there was a middle-aged woman dressed as a Playboy bunny and another as a pirate-wench with serious cleavage at this party).

Anyway, I had a good time and it was worth it, even if there are now pictures of me with my shirt tucked into my pants. Eesh.

Don't Hate Me Because I'm Beautiful

2008-10-21T14:05:00.004-04:00

Okay, enough kid stuff for a while. On to the really important things. Like my hair.

I got it cut and colored last night and it probably wasn't the best idea to make a big change during PMS week. The color is good -- I usually get highlights all spring/summer, so by fall, I'm looking pretty washed out and am tired of keeping up with the roots, so I go back to brown. This time I went a couple of shades darker than my natural color and I like it a lot.

The cut, however? Well, it's cute, it's just not all that cute on me. I didn't think the long, blond hair was doing anything for me, but at least it was covering up more of my face. I look like a pumpkin wearing a short, brown wig (if pumpkins were not orange so much as pinky-Caucasian colored, and had not only wide faces but also double chins).

Oh, well. It'll grow back. It always does. I've done these dramatic hair changes at least once a year since high school. Funny how it never used to scare me like it does now. I think I almost went for the cut this time to prove to myself that I could still do it. Like riding a roller coaster as an adult when you really don't want to. I told my stylist I'm terrified of becoming one of those women on "What Not To Wear" who keeps the same hairstyle for 10 years. I don't want to get set in my ways. I think that ages a person faster than just about anything.

And speaking of aging a person, while I was getting my cut and enjoying a song playing in the salon (can't remember what it was right now), my stylist (who I adore, by the way; very nice girl) said, "Uh, I'm so tired of this awful 80s music." Them's fightin' words, so I said, "Watch it sister!" To which she said, "Oh, I'm a child of the 80s -- I was BORN in the 80s." Ugh. Just keep cuttin', Barbie.

Great Expectations

2008-10-20T13:33:00.002-04:00

Operation Paci Removal went off perfectly. Friday evening Lauren willingly put all her mimis, one by one, into an envelope to "send to the babies who need them." Then she opened her "big girl present" and really liked it (yea! I picked the right thing!) and has been sleeping with it ever since. She went to sleep fine that night (and for her weekend naps) and she didn't wake up crying for the pacis. She never once whined about not having them, and when she asks about them, she answers her own question. The conversation goes like this:

Lauren: Mimis? Babies!
Me: That's right -- that was so nice of you to give your mimis to the babies who needed them.
Lauren: Mm hm!

She's pretty proud of herself and I think that's great. I guess she wasn't as addicted as I thought. Or else I was able to tap into her compassionate nature and she was happy to do something nice for babies. Don't know, but, whatever it was, I'm still shocked.

She also shocked me Sunday because we visited a new church and she willingly went to the nursery without crying. I guess overall I need to have higher expectations of her from now on!

Take On Me Redux

2008-10-17T16:04:00.003-04:00

A shout out to Tela for this one!

You already know I'm an 80s music freak -- I'm not too proud to say I loved this song/video back in the day (give me a break -- I was 16) and this very literal re-do Cracks. Me. Up. Turn up your sound and enjoy.

Adventures in Parenthood, Vol. 437

2008-10-16T16:02:00.003-04:00

I am terrified of this weekend. We're taking away the pacifiers. Lauren has used them only during naps and at night for several months now, but Dr. Betsy (fantastic pediatric dentist, except that she referred to Lauren's birth mother as "mommy" -- uh, no, that's me) said it's time for them to go. In fact, it was time for them to go a couple of months ago. It's not what they do to the teeth so much (they are baby teeth, after all) as the mouth. And I can already see what she's talking about -- the narrowing of Lauren's upper jaw. She's starting to look a little buck-toothed. So, I really don't want to make her give them up, but it's time for the "mimis" to go (her word, not mine; I think she just couldn't say paci and somehow it came out mimi -- who knows).

There are lots of ways to do this -- some people say to cut the end of the pacifier off and then the kid will give it up on her own because it won't feel the same. Some people say to pretend like they're lost, but like Bret said last night, I feel like I owe her honesty even at this stage. Or at least, our version of honesty. Because we've decided to go the give-your-pacis-to-the-babies-who-need-them route. We'll see how this goes, but I think how it'll work is we'll have a box or an envelope that we'll help Lauren put all the pacis in and tell her we're going to send them to the babies because she's a big girl now. And because she's a big girl, she can take her new toy to bed instead of her pacis (a $22 stuffed cat I bought in the hospital gift shop -- I'm not even sure if she'll like it but I didn't know what to get). She's not old enough to tell me a toy that she wants the paci fairy to bring her the next morning in exchange for forking over the pacis, so I really can't do that. And I refuse to put hot sauce on them, as someone suggested (honestly, she probably wouldn't mind all that much -- the kid loves salsa).

I am fully anticipating a sleepless weekend for everyone at my house. Although we managed to wean her off full-time paci use fairly easily, Lauren is a serious nighttime user, and having her give up her plastic and silicone fix is going to be rough. She not only keeps one in her mouth all night long, she also keeps one clenched in her little chubby fist like an NRA member clutching his sidearm.

I will let you know how it goes.

WTF???

2008-10-06T09:55:00.003-04:00

I read this today and it so perfectly captured my thoughts about the VP debate (in a far more coherent and reasonable way than I could've written), that I wanted to share the link with you.

I watched the first hour of the debate and decided I'd had enough. I told Bret, "I'm going to bed now because every time Palin speaks, I'm losing IQ points."

I was floored Friday morning when I heard on the news and read in the paper how "good" she did -- uh, were we all watching the same debate? She was merely vomiting the material that had been crammed down her throat in preparation for the "debate!" Sheesh!

Okay, never mind. Just read Alice's post.

9-27-97

2008-09-26T16:47:00.005-04:00

At this very moment 11 years ago I was at my wedding rehearsal dinner (a cookout on my parents’ deck, exactly what I’d requested), enjoying great food, cheap beer, and the company of family and friends from as far away as California. Everything about the week leading up to the wedding was just like that – food, family, friends, laughing. The wedding day itself was, too, although it went too fast and I didn’t get to talk to as many people as I wanted to for nearly long enough.

So, here we are, 11 years later. How do you sum up 11 years? Bret and I have:

Lived in 4 houses (2 rented, 2 owned)
Driven 8 cars (7 owned, 1 leased; 4 used, 4 new; 1 totaled)
Visited the four “corners” of the continental U.S. (Seattle, San Diego, Bar Harbor, Key West)
Attended the funerals of two grandparents, the weddings of several friends and siblings, and WAY too many graduations
Raised a crazy German shepherd for nearly 11 years and cried buckets of tears when he was gone
Fought and won a 6-year battle to become parents

It seems like a lifetime. It seems like a week.

Ellen Goodman says this about marriage: "We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."

I, for one, am grateful for all the forgiveness that has been shown to me. Thank you, dear husband, for these 11 years.

Midwest Hurricane

2008-09-16T15:37:00.002-04:00

The tail end of hurricane Ike moved through these parts on Sunday and no one was prepared for it. The wind was unbelievable -- 55 mph sustained winds with gusts around 74 mph -- truly hurricane-force, and it lasted from about 10 in the morning until 6 p.m. The weird thing is that the sky was blue and the sun was out the whole time. As I was still not feeling well, I was on the couch most of the morning and early afternoon, watching the trees in the backyard double over on themselves. One giant limb came down, and by the time it was all over, our backyard looked like a bomb had hit it. We'll have to have some trees removed and it's going to take a while to clean everything up. (I would love to post some pictures but our computer is dead and the new one is en route from the fine folks at Dell, so can't do any downloading for a while).

The house is fine; we just lost a few shingles (I was actually hoping the whole roof would blow off; I'd really like a new roof with shake-style, dark brown shingles, as opposed to the orange -- yes, orange -- shingles that are on there now). The power was out from around 3 p.m. Sunday until exactly 12:39 a.m. last night. I know this because I was sleeping on the couch to avoid waking everyone up with my coughing (bronchitis confirmed; got some meds; should be better soon) and the power kicks on and the answering machine starts talking very loudly: "TO SET THE TIME AND DATE, PRESS MENU," which just about made me fall off the couch.

Anyway, we survived just fine, despite losing nearly everything from our fridge and freezer, not being able to find ice anywhere to keep the few things we saved cold for very long, and not being able to find an open gas station that didn't have a line of 100 cars waiting. The weather cooled off considerably from Sunday's 91 degrees, and so reading in bed by candlelight while listening to the crickets through the open windows was actually kind of nice. I realized how less stressed out I was without the TV on all evening, even though I think I'm "relaxing" when I watch it.

Bite Me

2008-09-12T15:57:00.002-04:00

Lauren got bit at school yesterday. I know it's really common for kids to bite at that age (my youngest brother regularly chomped on my other brother for a good year or so when they were 2 and 3), but this was completely unprovoked and not the first time this kid bit someone at school. They won't, of course, tell us who it is, but I’m referring to him as Marv Albert for reasons that will become clear in a moment. Lauren was sitting at the table eating her snack and he (let’s assume it's a boy) grabbed her by the arm, threw her down on the floor and bit her on the back. Since it was through her shirt it didn't break the skin but was still pretty bad. You can still see it today. The school said he's in the "final stages" of being dealt with for this so we know it's happened before, but it sounds like they won't kick him out unless it happens again. So, perhaps I have yet another phone call from the director to look forward to, telling me that my child’s been snacked on again by Marv. And if not me, some other parent’s going to get that call.

I just want to know what the policy/procedure is, what have they done so far and what are they doing to prevent it from happening again. And if it does happen again, what happens to the biter? Does he get thrown out of school? I know they can’t possibly kick every kid who bites out of school – at this age, you’d have to kick out half the class. They all do it eventually. Who knows? My kid could easily be the biter next time instead of the bitee. So maybe that’s why I’m not as upset about it as others might be. I see it as one of those things that happens – a lot – and certainly won’t be the last bad thing that happens to her at school or somewhere else when we’re not around. On the other hand, she must’ve been terrified when it happened, and I wasn’t there to make her feel better. And that is upsetting.

In a larger sense, though, I think this is about my parenting philosophy in general. And it’s at least partially a gender thing – if she were a boy, I’d probably be more freaked out (“oh, my poor little man!”). As her mom, I see it as my responsibility to teach her to be a strong woman. The world is a bad, scary, unpredictable place and she might as well learn sooner rather than later that a) shit’s going to happen, and, b) how to deal with it. I am not about coddling and sheltering. Protecting, yes, that’s my job as a parent, and why I want some answers about this biting thing. After all, I’m not going to keep sending her someplace where she’s going to get ambushed by the Marvs of the world. But in a larger sense, I think I do her a bigger disservice by sheltering her (in this case, pulling her out of school after one such incident). I want her to strike out on her own someday as a confident, capable person, not be living in my house when she’s 30 (actually, I might need her to help me to the bathroom by then, so maybe I do want her living at home when she’s 30). Regardless, I know this is another one of those things that I will look back on when she’s a teenager and laugh about how it was no big deal. It’s all about perspective, no?

2008-09-04T10:45:00.003-04:00

I have nothing to say about Sarah Palin, except I know who will play her in the Lifetime movie.

A Quick Update

2008-09-03T16:54:00.003-04:00

The bug guy is coming over on Saturday to put those little bait thingies around the house. We'll see how long it takes to work. If it works.
Had a fantastic weekend with my brother, sister in law and nephews, despite Lauren being sick (two and a half months in daycare, third illness, in case you're counting).
Speaking of Lauren, she is now, in my mind, officially two. To wit: she threw a 25-minute tantrum this morning because I dared to change her diaper. Oh, adolescence, you can't come soon enough.
My latest escape is this blog (http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/) and her first book.
My Buckeyes continue to dominate northeastern Ohio. O-H-I-O!

No More Trips to IKEA

2008-08-20T14:49:00.003-04:00

Because I'll now be spending my money on getting rid of this guy, and all his little friends:

Yep, we have termites.

“Design Star” Here I Come

2008-08-15T14:17:00.003-04:00

I had the day off yesterday to get 4 doc appointments over with, all routine checkups (everything’s fine and I remain The World’s Healthiest Fat Woman – I mean, seriously, no one at my weight and age should have such perfect blood pressure, cholesterol, EKG, etc.). Anyway, in between appointments I ran to Ikea to continue the Great Family Room Makeover of 2008. So far this has included:

Having the slab jacked (yes, that’s really what it’s called; Google it if you don’t believe me)

Painting the walls “Golden Straw,” a fantastic warm color that looks like the outside of a butternut squash. This took me a day and a half, not including the hours and hours of patching work that Bret did – which looks perfect now with the paint on it (which is to say, you can’t see the patches at all…just nice, smooth walls).

Removing the hideous vertical blinds.

Removing the hideous brown wood spindles that “separated” the kitchen from the family room (can you tell my house was built in the 70s?).

Re-texturing the ceiling after the spindles were removed.

New carpet is coming on Thursday – yea!!! What’s in there now is pretty gross and I’m happy to see it go. Anyway, I had a successful shopping trip at Ikea yesterday and bought two end tables in white, curtains and the cover to this ottoman, in black (I have to go back for the ottoman itself because I grabbed the wrong box on my way to the checkout and didn’t have time to go back – honestly, who can tell with all those brown, cardboard boxes). I think this will all go nicely with my green couch and pillows I bought last week (see previous post).

I have really enjoyed taking on this decorating project. First of all because I still feel, after nearly 4 years, that I’m living in someone else’s house. I've done so little redecorating because I was burned out on “fixing up” when we moved in from working so hard on our old house. I was also pretty depressed at that time (infertility, adoption process, blah, blah, blah) and just didn’t feel like doing anything. And then Lauren arrived and there was no time, and definitely no energy. Now that she’s older and easier to care for and we’re sleeping more than 4 hours a night, we are able to tackle some house things. Finally, my 6,000 hours of watching HGTV are going to pay off.

Soule Mama? How About Tired Mama?

2008-08-08T14:48:00.005-04:00

I read a book this week called The Creative Family by Amanda Soule, which was recommended on Tara Whitney’s site a while back. The book sounded innocent enough:

“When you learn to awaken your family's creativity, wonderful things will happen: you'll make meaningful connections with your children in large and small ways; your children will more often engage in their own creative discoveries; and your family will embrace new ways to relax, play, and grow together. With just the simple tools around you — your imagination, basic art supplies, household objects, and natural materials — you can transform your family life, and have so much more fun!”

Problem is, Amanda's idea of “relaxing, playing and growing together” includes things that make me equal parts envious and horrified. She doesn’t just knit (EVERYTHING), she makes her own knitting needles. She doesn’t just sew (all her kids’ clothes), she makes pants for her kids out of her husband’s old shirts. She makes “fairy houses” in the woods. She also crochets, gardens, cooks from scratch, turns her children’s drawings into embroidery projects, has a seasonal altar-like space where her kids put their finds from outside, makes all her own holiday gifts and created a “banging wall” in the backyard (discarded pots and pans strung between fallen trees for the kids to bang on). And she does all of this with her kids – two boys and a girl (and one on the way), ages 5, 3 and 1. AND she homeschools – or as she calls it, “unschools.”

Now. Far be it from me to come down on someone for having this idyllic life in Portland, Maine. I think it’s great that she’s so connected to the world around her and her kids. Her book doesn’t have a holier-than-thou attitude, as if we all should be living her life. But it got to me anyway and I had a bit of a breakdown yesterday after thinking about how I spend my time and how much of my days I actually enjoy (maybe 10%?). How the pace of my life is not what I want at all and how I’d prefer the more contemplative, meaningful existence she has.

I could never replicate even half of what she does, nor do I really want to – I don’t sew, I barely cook, I used to cross-stitch but that’s about the extent of my handicraft skills. I could, however, do a better job of spending time outside. I could do more meaningful activities with Lauren besides going to Target every weekend. I could turn the TV off and write. And if I can't make my own stuff, I could at least buy handmade, instead of mass-produced all the time (and I did that today at etsy.com, a site of all handmade goodies from housewares to clothes to jewelry, which I highly recommend). Check out these pillows I bought. And then go make yourself some fairy houses.

Just because it made me laugh

2008-08-01T16:36:00.001-04:00

Lauren: Toddler of a Thousand (or maybe just five) Faces

2008-07-17T16:04:00.002-04:00

40 is the new...40

2008-07-09T16:26:00.004-04:00

I just looked at the calendar and realized that 40 is exactly 6 months away. I can remember as a kid being excited about getting past July 9 each year because it meant I was closer to my next age than my current one, and like most kids, I liked the thought of becoming another year older.

I can't say I feel terribly depressed about 40, it's just weird. Weird because, hello, last time I checked I was waiting the requisite three days to wash my hair after a perm, buying Outback Red sweaters with my babysitting money and putting my tape recorder next to the radio so I could record "Life in a Northern Town" the next time it came on.

Also, weird because I helped throw my mom's 40th birthday party, in between studying for finals my freshman year of college. I can't see Lauren taking charge of that for me, but honey, if you're reading this, mommy really likes her some dirty martinis, so stock up on the vodka and olives.

Also, when the fact that my next birthday is a "big" one came up at work, my boss's assistant politely said, "30?" Uh, no. Then she said she never would've guessed I was 39. I don't think she was shocked because I look so much younger than that, but because I act far too immature to be 39.

Oh, and I took Blobby's Virtual Age test...turns out I'm actually 44.2.

New Month, New Look

2008-07-02T16:14:00.005-04:00

I've been getting tired of my blog template, so decided to finally change it. Not completely in love with this one, either, but it's better. I am a green freak, and this one certainly has plenty of green in it.

Countdown to the big Fourth of July weekend. I miss the days when that meant stewing in my grandparents' pool all day. This year it will mean stewing in my kichen whilst cleaning and cooking for the in-laws. Maybe we'll get the kiddie pool out for old time's sake.

Got My Mind on My Money and My Money on My Mind

2008-06-30T11:46:00.003-04:00

We made $652 (or is it $657--now I can't remember). Sold about half of the baby clothes, all the big items (Exersaucer, Jumparoo, chain saw, grill and even the lawn mower went -- thanks to Bret's "FREE!" sign because it didn't work), and lots of crafting stuff. Everything that's left over will go to Goodwill or be sold on eBay. I took pictures of all the eBay-able stuff and frantically listed things all weekend. Hopefully it'll sell -- I just want it out of my house! We're in negotiations about what to do with our cash...I'll keep you posted.

Everything Must Go!

2008-06-24T14:48:00.006-04:00

The big excitement at our house is this weekend's garage sale. All 54 households on our street were invited to participate. I don't know how many people are joining in the fun, but judging from all the people sweeping out their garages last weekend, I'm guessing quite a few.

Garage sales were a major part of my childhood. Not so much going to them, but working at my parents' huge sale every year. They were big auction-goers and would clean up, fix and sell whatever they didn't want to keep. I got to clean out my closet and my room every year and sell whatever I wanted -- and keep the money for myself (my mother's way of getting me to thin out the toys, etc.).

My mother was a master at garage sale organization and execution. She handled publicity (our town's weekly paper and a dozen handmade signs stuck on street corners and stapled to telephone poles). Every item was cleaned, in good working order, priced fairly, organized and artfully displayed. In other words, she didn't sell crap. And everyone knew it. For three full days (none of this 9-noon stuff), we would have hoards of people at our house buying up everything in sight. I would like to think I learned a thing or two from her when it comes to her secondhand (or thirdhand) retail prowess.

So...in case you will be in the Cincinnati area on Saturday (Friday, too, but I won't be selling that day, so come by Saturday!), make your way to Red Mill Drive in West Chester (45069) between 8 a.m. and 3 p.m. (e-mail me if you want my street number). And...in case you want to make a contribution to my family room makeover fund, you could take home one (or many) of these fabulous items:

150+ items of baby girl clothing, sizes 0-24 months; several items still have the original tags and even more were washed but never worn; most are Carter's, Old Navy and Baby Gap; nothing torn or with stains (that stuff went to Goodwill!); most everything is $0.50-$1.00 and nothing is more than $3.00
Exersaucer (retails for $60-120; selling mine for $15)
Jumparoo ($20) -- looks brand new
Leapfrog Musical Table ($15) -- looks brand new
Tons of Stampin' Up! and scrapbooking stuff, including 32 stamp sets ($10-26), 38 stamp pads ($3 each), punches ($4-13), adhesives and demonstrator supplies. Everything is in excellent condition and many items are still in the original packaging -- never opened or used!
Weber grill, $20
Decorative housewares from IKEA, Target and who knows where (pillows, candle holders, tablecloths, mirror, lamp, etc.)
Chain saw and lawn mower (I'm lumping these together because I'm not sure yet how much we'll charge; Bret has to make sure they work first)
Black & Decker hand mixer ($5)
Black & Decker Gizmo cordless can opener ($5)
Whatever else I can find between now and Saturday

Preschool: The Terror of Toddlerhood

2008-06-17T16:24:00.006-04:00

Lauren's first day went as expected. She cried for a couple of hours, then was able to get involved in playing or reading, but continued crying on and off (I guess when she remembered we weren't there with her) the rest of the time. She wouldn't eat much, and refused to lie down for a nap. Bret said she looked a little shell-shocked when he picked her up.

I was a nervous wreck all morning, not because I was worried that she was in a bad place or not well cared for, but because I knew she was inconsolable all that time. I want her to have fun, not be miserable. I'll be the one taking her on Thursday so I'll get to experience her screaming in person.

I tried to prepare her for this by talking it up the last couple of days. I even bought a book about a little girl's first day at nursery school, which Lauren had me read three times last night, so I thought maybe she was catching on. I also bought her her first DVD -- "Elmo Goes to School" or something like that, but we didn't have time to watch it. Maybe we'll try that tonight.

The benefit to all of this is that I have had zero appetite all day (and if you know me well, you know that I could be bleeding out of my eyeballs and still eat). I have three quarters of my WW Points left for the day...usually by this time of day I've exhausted the vast majority of them and am trying to figure out what I can eat for dinner that's worth 2 points.

I keep trying to remind myself that the day will come when this seems extremely insignificant -- like when she's dating some jerk or... ugh, I don't even want to think what else. We will all survive.

2008-06-09T13:17:00.002-04:00

We picked a preschool for Lauren. It is, indeed, the snooty-sounding one, but was not at all snooty. They really seem to have their act together, far more than the others we looked at. The chain itself is not new, but this facility is, so the building and all the equipment is only a few months old -- so clean! The directors and teachers seem very nice and dedicated to the kids. In Lauren's room there are only 5 kids now, with space for a maximum of 12, in a nice, big room. (At another center we looked at, they had 17 toddlers in a room that looked too small for half that many kids. There was nowhere to walk, let alone run around and play.) I think what sold me on the place was the tiny toilets -- each classroom has its own bathroom and the toddler room has a real, honest-to-goodness, porcelain, toddler-sized flush toilet. How cool is that?

Anyway, I now have a pile of paperwork to fill out and I need to talk Lauren's doctor into writing a note saying she has to have organic milk. I don't obsess about giving her an all-organic diet, but I am a freak about the organic dairy products. The connection between growth hormones given to cows to make them produce more milk and early-onset puberty in girls (not to mention the antibiotics issue) means that I'm not giving Lauren non-organic milk if I can help it. But I digress.

I'm so excited for Lauren to go to a wonderful school a couple of days a week where she'll learn so much and make new friends. (Maybe I'll make some, too. I could use more working-mom friends. People who "get it.") I know the transition will be tough for her, though. I already warned the assistant director that she's not going to be one of those kids who cries for 5 minutes and then stops when she gets wrapped up in an activity -- she's going to be the 2-hour sobber, I fear. Better now than in kindergarten, though, right?

Memorial Day Weekend

2008-06-05T10:24:00.008-04:00

Here are some photos from Memorial Day weekend. It was my nephew Caleb's second birthday and he had a (slightly) smaller party than last year when there were close to 50 people there. The weather was great, and Lauren had a blast. She's decided that she REALLY likes Caleb and she REALLY likes holding hands with him whenever possible.

The birthday boy:

His cutie-cute little brother Colin:

Riding off into the sunset:

Do Your Research

2008-05-29T16:41:00.005-04:00

We have been searching for a preschool-type situation for Lauren. She will still go to grandma and grandpa's house three days a week but we (especially I) think it's important for her to be around other adults, but mostly other kids, at least a couple of days a week. No one has watched her besides us and my in-laws and now that she's a year and a half old, I really think it's important for her to start learning to be more flexible, adaptable and comfortable with people outside the little family bubble we've created for her. Plus, she is crazy about other kids, including my nephew who she used to run away from (I will post pictures later of the two of them walking hand-in-hand over the weekend -- and Lauren was the one who grabbed hands first!) so I know she will have fun and I know it will be good for her development.

We've looked at three preschools and will visit one more next week. All have been fine and if I had to pick one, I'd go with the last one we visited, but I've got my hopes up for the one next week. It's one of those pricey places with a good reputation and an East Coast boarding school sounding name. I'm more afraid that it'll be too snooty for the likes of us, but we'll see.

Anyway, I was remembering way back when during my reporter days when I helped with a story on child care violations. I had to spend the day in Columbus in a file room going through hundreds and hundreds of child care center inspection reports. It occurred to me today that maybe these are now online -- and I was right. If you have a child in an Ohio child care center, preschool or private licensed caregiver's home, or are looking for care, go to this link (http://www.odjfs.state.oh.us/cdc/query.asp) to do a search by county, center name, city or ZIP code. I spent the better part of the afternoon reading all kinds of interesting (and some shocking) things. You can read about the area(s) a center is or was out of compliance and how it was corrected. I really think more parents should know that they have the right to this information, so please pass along the link.

2008-05-16T13:52:00.002-04:00

I think maybe I’ve go post-job-change depression. After the satisfaction of getting out from under a mean boss wore off, and after enjoying my week of freedom, I am now finishing up week three at the new job and the bloom is already off the rose.

It’s not that there’s anything wrong with this job or the people. I don’t like my commute situation or the fact that I have to dress up, but that’s not it either. It’s just that…it’s work. I’ve sunk back down into a “time to make the doughnuts” mentality, dragging myself out of bed in the morning, doing what I need to do to get three people out the door, facing my slightly stinky office (what IS that?) and to-do list and piles of paper and list of e-mails.

I have felt this way at every job I’ve ever had…maybe not all the time, but it’s kind of my default setting. Sure, I can be productive and every once in a while even proactive, but when it comes down to it, it’s work. It’s not (usually) fun and I wouldn’t exactly call it fulfilling, even if I truly like most everything about my job. Some people love their jobs so much they say they’d do it even if they weren’t getting paid. Would I choose to do this job if I weren’t being paid? No. Any other job I’ve ever had? No. There are very few things I can think of I’d do for a living for free – read books or float in a pool are the two that come to mind (even better – read books WHILE floating in the pool). And since I haven’t seen that particular job on Monster, I’m guessing they shall remain hobbies (or fantasies). I used to buy books with titles like “Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow.” But I’m not sure I believe that anymore. Sometimes you just do what you can tolerate instead.

However, I’ve decided that for every downer thing I write about, I have to write about something positive. So here goes. Um…I’m getting my hair cut and highlighted tomorrow. That’s always a good thing. I’m feeling rather dark and shaggy so I desperately need the lift in the hair department. Bret graduated last week and I was so proud of him I teared up three times. I didn’t even cry at any of my own graduations. When it was fairly quiet in the arena where graduation was taking place, Lauren yelled out “DA-DAAAAA!” and people around us smiled. I got a kick-ass new laptop for Mother’s Day (that Lauren sure knows what Mommy likes!). And finally, I’ve decided to have an 80s party for my 40th birthday (nearly 7 months away). I’m already planning my wardrobe and the music. I wonder if Jake Ryan will show up with a birthday cake?

I'm back

2008-05-12T12:24:00.001-04:00

I know, I know, it’s been forever since I’ve posted. Quick version of what’s been going on: I left my old job, took a week off to hang out with Lauren and get a few things done around the house. I really enjoyed that week off, which kind of surprised me. I thought I might be bored or irritated playing stay-at-home mom all week, but I really had a good time. Lauren and I had our little routine of watching her PBS shows until about 9:30, then going out to run errands or shop, home for lunch and a nap for her while I did laundry or some other chore, then when she got up we’d play outside or go to the park, back home to actually cook a real dinner, and then do our evening routine when Daddy got home. The weather was fabulous, she had almost no moments of whining or crying, and my stress level completely bottomed out. I could feel the pressure of those last few bad weeks at work (and the previous four and a half years of a less-than-understanding boss) disappear. I had no schedule, no commute, nowhere I needed to be at any particular time. It was great. I know if I were a full-time stay-at-home mom it would not always be that way. Because I knew it was time-limited (and everything else seemed to be working in my favor), it really was like a mini-vacation.

I’m now in week 3 of the new job and it’s going well. It’s a huge, complex place that will probably take me a year or more to even begin to figure out. But the people are nice (including my boss – yea!) so that helps a lot. I was very busy at first but it’s slowed down slightly so now I have time to be lonely. My posse from the old job is coming to visit me at lunch tomorrow, and then I’m joining them for a going-away party for a friend who also decided she’d had it with that place. So, that’ll be good, to have some friend time again, which I had grown so used to having all day, every day. There was always someone fun to talk to while taking a break, strolling to the kitchen or standing at the printer. I’m pretty much on my own here, except for meetings and appointments. It was a good move; it’s just going to take me a while to feel comfortable.