I think maybe I’ve go post-job-change depression. After the satisfaction of getting out from under a mean boss wore off, and after enjoying my week of freedom, I am now finishing up week three at the new job and the bloom is already off the rose.
It’s not that there’s anything wrong with this job or the people. I don’t like my commute situation or the fact that I have to dress up, but that’s not it either. It’s just that…it’s work. I’ve sunk back down into a “time to make the doughnuts” mentality, dragging myself out of bed in the morning, doing what I need to do to get three people out the door, facing my slightly stinky office (what IS that?) and to-do list and piles of paper and list of e-mails.
I have felt this way at every job I’ve ever had…maybe not all the time, but it’s kind of my default setting. Sure, I can be productive and every once in a while even proactive, but when it comes down to it, it’s work. It’s not (usually) fun and I wouldn’t exactly call it fulfilling, even if I truly like most everything about my job. Some people love their jobs so much they say they’d do it even if they weren’t getting paid. Would I choose to do this job if I weren’t being paid? No. Any other job I’ve ever had? No. There are very few things I can think of I’d do for a living for free – read books or float in a pool are the two that come to mind (even better – read books WHILE floating in the pool). And since I haven’t seen that particular job on Monster, I’m guessing they shall remain hobbies (or fantasies). I used to buy books with titles like “Do What You Love, The Money Will Follow.” But I’m not sure I believe that anymore. Sometimes you just do what you can tolerate instead.
However, I’ve decided that for every downer thing I write about, I have to write about something positive. So here goes. Um…I’m getting my hair cut and highlighted tomorrow. That’s always a good thing. I’m feeling rather dark and shaggy so I desperately need the lift in the hair department. Bret graduated last week and I was so proud of him I teared up three times. I didn’t even cry at any of my own graduations. When it was fairly quiet in the arena where graduation was taking place, Lauren yelled out “DA-DAAAAA!” and people around us smiled. I got a kick-ass new laptop for Mother’s Day (that Lauren sure knows what Mommy likes!). And finally, I’ve decided to have an 80s party for my 40th birthday (nearly 7 months away). I’m already planning my wardrobe and the music. I wonder if Jake Ryan will show up with a birthday cake?