Adventures in Parenthood, Vol. 437

I am terrified of this weekend. We're taking away the pacifiers. Lauren has used them only during naps and at night for several months now, but Dr. Betsy (fantastic pediatric dentist, except that she referred to Lauren's birth mother as "mommy" -- uh, no, that's me) said it's time for them to go. In fact, it was time for them to go a couple of months ago. It's not what they do to the teeth so much (they are baby teeth, after all) as the mouth. And I can already see what she's talking about -- the narrowing of Lauren's upper jaw. She's starting to look a little buck-toothed. So, I really don't want to make her give them up, but it's time for the "mimis" to go (her word, not mine; I think she just couldn't say paci and somehow it came out mimi -- who knows).

There are lots of ways to do this -- some people say to cut the end of the pacifier off and then the kid will give it up on her own because it won't feel the same. Some people say to pretend like they're lost, but like Bret said last night, I feel like I owe her honesty even at this stage. Or at least, our version of honesty. Because we've decided to go the give-your-pacis-to-the-babies-who-need-them route. We'll see how this goes, but I think how it'll work is we'll have a box or an envelope that we'll help Lauren put all the pacis in and tell her we're going to send them to the babies because she's a big girl now. And because she's a big girl, she can take her new toy to bed instead of her pacis (a $22 stuffed cat I bought in the hospital gift shop -- I'm not even sure if she'll like it but I didn't know what to get). She's not old enough to tell me a toy that she wants the paci fairy to bring her the next morning in exchange for forking over the pacis, so I really can't do that. And I refuse to put hot sauce on them, as someone suggested (honestly, she probably wouldn't mind all that much -- the kid loves salsa).

I am fully anticipating a sleepless weekend for everyone at my house. Although we managed to wean her off full-time paci use fairly easily, Lauren is a serious nighttime user, and having her give up her plastic and silicone fix is going to be rough. She not only keeps one in her mouth all night long, she also keeps one clenched in her little chubby fist like an NRA member clutching his sidearm.

I will let you know how it goes.

WTF???

I read this today and it so perfectly captured my thoughts about the VP debate (in a far more coherent and reasonable way than I could've written), that I wanted to share the link with you.

I watched the first hour of the debate and decided I'd had enough. I told Bret, "I'm going to bed now because every time Palin speaks, I'm losing IQ points."

I was floored Friday morning when I heard on the news and read in the paper how "good" she did -- uh, were we all watching the same debate? She was merely vomiting the material that had been crammed down her throat in preparation for the "debate!" Sheesh!

Okay, never mind. Just read Alice's post.

9-27-97

At this very moment 11 years ago I was at my wedding rehearsal dinner (a cookout on my parents’ deck, exactly what I’d requested), enjoying great food, cheap beer, and the company of family and friends from as far away as California. Everything about the week leading up to the wedding was just like that – food, family, friends, laughing. The wedding day itself was, too, although it went too fast and I didn’t get to talk to as many people as I wanted to for nearly long enough.

So, here we are, 11 years later. How do you sum up 11 years? Bret and I have:

• Lived in 4 houses (2 rented, 2 owned)
• Driven 8 cars (7 owned, 1 leased; 4 used, 4 new; 1 totaled)
• Visited the four “corners” of the continental U.S. (Seattle, San Diego, Bar Harbor, Key West)
• Attended the funerals of two grandparents, the weddings of several friends and siblings, and WAY too many graduations
• Raised a crazy German shepherd for nearly 11 years and cried buckets of tears when he was gone
• Fought and won a 6-year battle to become parents
  

It seems like a lifetime. It seems like a week.

Ellen Goodman says this about marriage: "We are told that people stay in love because of chemistry, or because they remain intrigued with each other, because of many kindnesses, because of luck. But part of it has got to be forgiveness and gratefulness."

I, for one, am grateful for all the forgiveness that has been shown to me. Thank you, dear husband, for these 11 years.

Midwest Hurricane

The tail end of hurricane Ike moved through these parts on Sunday and no one was prepared for it. The wind was unbelievable -- 55 mph sustained winds with gusts around 74 mph -- truly hurricane-force, and it lasted from about 10 in the morning until 6 p.m. The weird thing is that the sky was blue and the sun was out the whole time. As I was still not feeling well, I was on the couch most of the morning and early afternoon, watching the trees in the backyard double over on themselves. One giant limb came down, and by the time it was all over, our backyard looked like a bomb had hit it. We'll have to have some trees removed and it's going to take a while to clean everything up. (I would love to post some pictures but our computer is dead and the new one is en route from the fine folks at Dell, so can't do any downloading for a while).

The house is fine; we just lost a few shingles (I was actually hoping the whole roof would blow off; I'd really like a new roof with shake-style, dark brown shingles, as opposed to the orange -- yes, orange -- shingles that are on there now). The power was out from around 3 p.m. Sunday until exactly 12:39 a.m. last night. I know this because I was sleeping on the couch to avoid waking everyone up with my coughing (bronchitis confirmed; got some meds; should be better soon) and the power kicks on and the answering machine starts talking very loudly: "TO SET THE TIME AND DATE, PRESS MENU," which just about made me fall off the couch.

Anyway, we survived just fine, despite losing nearly everything from our fridge and freezer, not being able to find ice anywhere to keep the few things we saved cold for very long, and not being able to find an open gas station that didn't have a line of 100 cars waiting. The weather cooled off considerably from Sunday's 91 degrees, and so reading in bed by candlelight while listening to the crickets through the open windows was actually kind of nice. I realized how less stressed out I was without the TV on all evening, even though I think I'm "relaxing" when I watch it.

Bite Me

Lauren got bit at school yesterday. I know it's really common for kids to bite at that age (my youngest brother regularly chomped on my other brother for a good year or so when they were 2 and 3), but this was completely unprovoked and not the first time this kid bit someone at school. They won't, of course, tell us who it is, but I’m referring to him as Marv Albert for reasons that will become clear in a moment. Lauren was sitting at the table eating her snack and he (let’s assume it's a boy) grabbed her by the arm, threw her down on the floor and bit her on the back. Since it was through her shirt it didn't break the skin but was still pretty bad. You can still see it today. The school said he's in the "final stages" of being dealt with for this so we know it's happened before, but it sounds like they won't kick him out unless it happens again. So, perhaps I have yet another phone call from the director to look forward to, telling me that my child’s been snacked on again by Marv. And if not me, some other parent’s going to get that call.

I just want to know what the policy/procedure is, what have they done so far and what are they doing to prevent it from happening again. And if it does happen again, what happens to the biter? Does he get thrown out of school? I know they can’t possibly kick every kid who bites out of school – at this age, you’d have to kick out half the class. They all do it eventually. Who knows? My kid could easily be the biter next time instead of the bitee. So maybe that’s why I’m not as upset about it as others might be. I see it as one of those things that happens – a lot – and certainly won’t be the last bad thing that happens to her at school or somewhere else when we’re not around. On the other hand, she must’ve been terrified when it happened, and I wasn’t there to make her feel better. And that is upsetting.

In a larger sense, though, I think this is about my parenting philosophy in general. And it’s at least partially a gender thing – if she were a boy, I’d probably be more freaked out (“oh, my poor little man!”). As her mom, I see it as my responsibility to teach her to be a strong woman. The world is a bad, scary, unpredictable place and she might as well learn sooner rather than later that a) shit’s going to happen, and, b) how to deal with it. I am not about coddling and sheltering. Protecting, yes, that’s my job as a parent, and why I want some answers about this biting thing. After all, I’m not going to keep sending her someplace where she’s going to get ambushed by the Marvs of the world. But in a larger sense, I think I do her a bigger disservice by sheltering her (in this case, pulling her out of school after one such incident). I want her to strike out on her own someday as a confident, capable person, not be living in my house when she’s 30 (actually, I might need her to help me to the bathroom by then, so maybe I do want her living at home when she’s 30). Regardless, I know this is another one of those things that I will look back on when she’s a teenager and laugh about how it was no big deal. It’s all about perspective, no?

I have nothing to say about Sarah Palin, except I know who will play her in the Lifetime movie.

A Quick Update

• The bug guy is coming over on Saturday to put those little bait thingies around the house. We'll see how long it takes to work. If it works.
• Had a fantastic weekend with my brother, sister in law and nephews, despite Lauren being sick (two and a half months in daycare, third illness, in case you're counting).
• Speaking of Lauren, she is now, in my mind, officially two. To wit: she threw a 25-minute tantrum this morning because I dared to change her diaper. Oh, adolescence, you can't come soon enough.
• My latest escape is this blog (http://www.jennsylvania.com/jennsylvania/) and her first book.
• My Buckeyes continue to dominate northeastern Ohio. O-H-I-O!