Friday, January 29, 2010

Modern Family

Hoo boy, do I have a story to share. First, Elise -- Lauren's birth mother -- visited us last night and left today for a warmer climate several states away. Her plan is to live with her sister, find a job, then get a place of her own and after she establishes residency, go to college there. I am happy for her; she seems very excited about making this change and, in her words, "getting my life together." I sure hope she comes back to town at least a couple of times a year so we can see her.

Spending time with her last night got me thinking about Lauren's birth father (let's call him Drew). This is a little more confusing. I know who he is, but am pretty sure he doesn't know who I am, nor that I know who he is (are you following this?). Elise told us his name when we first met her (they were no longer together when she was at the end of her pregnancy), but he's never wanted to meet us, or Lauren. From time to time I've Googled him, and searched for him on Facebook, but hadn't done that in several months, maybe longer. Today I looked him up and discovered that not only is he engaged, but HE HAS A BABY! A daughter, born this month. Which means Lauren has a half-sister. I always knew the day would come when Elise would get married and have children, and hoped that Lauren could know them, but I hadn't even considered Drew in this light.

So. Lots of stuff stirred up here. Part of me wants to contact him and say, "Hey, I adopted your first daughter and let's all be one, big, happy family and get these girls together." Part of me wants to smack him upside the head for choosing to ignore the fact that Lauren exists, while accepting the existence of -- and actively raising -- this new baby. And, as Bret pointed out, perhaps someone needs to share the merits of condoms with Drew, not that we're complaining, as the lack of one resulted in Lauren. Anyhoo...

There's really nothing I can do with this information right now. So I will hang on to it for when it's appropriate to share with Lauren, or to contact Drew, or whatever. There's no handbook for how to handle this type of family stuff. We just have to make sure Lauren knows how loved she is, and that's the easy part.


Blobby said...

While I think you can be glad he helped create Lauren, try to keep in mind that maybe, just maybe, in the last three years, he's grown up and found someone to be with that the timing was right to have a child with.

You're a much bigger person than I, about wanting to be a big happy family. Even if it's just in theory.

call me mama said...

we just found out that our son's first father is expecting another child in the next few months. Not sure what he and his girlfriend are expecting- but as we've never met, live in the same town and could have children attending the same school, it would be nice to know the child's name so we can make sure our Henry doesn't date his sister in the future. Now what?

Kris said...

Yeah, they just don't tell you about these kind of situations when you attend your adoption classes!